I hate doing errands. It's not that I don't enjoy going to stores and finding things for my kids, house, people, food, etc... it's the thought and process of taking at least 2 children where ever I go. Today I actually only had Kolin for an hour, so I decided to go to Walmart to get a DVD for Chad's birthday. It's bad enough when you have to lug a child out of the car and into a cart, but it's even worse when you go in and they don't even have what you want. I wanted to scream at someone, but Walmart employees are not worth it because they just give you a dumb look, trust me I've done it before.
Lately my all time worst place to visit is the market. Kolin has this annoying habit of reaching (and since he's a sumo wrestler in training he has a pretty good arm length) into the back of the cart grabbing food and either trying to take a bite out of it or chucking it at people walking by our cart. I am that woman that you can hear yelling at her children from the other end of the store. If Kolin has had a good day and hasn't chucked food at people his next favorite thing to do is take the food and throw it like a football onto the checkout counter. I have lost eggs from him throwing cans on top of them. VERY ANNOYING!!!
I truly know that if I had a day with out kids I would be an extremely organized and calmer person. That being said we haven't won the lotto and it isn't going to happen anytime soon. For all those wonderful women who have help where they can go to the store with out their children...I spit on you because I am envious. xoxo
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Taking time off
Not often do Chad and I get a break from our kids. The going rate for babysitters is $5 per kid, so that's $20 an hour. Why do I not babysit on the side I do not know. We try to get out at least once a month together and a few girls or guys nights in too, though lately those are few and far between. The last time Chad and I had a weekend alone with no kids was Spring Break last year and I can tell you right now that I'm about at my breaking point. Luckily my dad and step-mom are once again taking our kids for a couple of nights so that Chad and I can have a break.
There are some people who are lucky enough to have this luxury happen to them more than once a year and to you I do a happy dance and I spit on you. Sorry I can't just be happy for you because the envy I feel is too overwhelming. There are also some who don't even get once a year and for you I will take your spitting because I totally deserve it. I am willing to take on more kids for a night so that you too can have a break, if only for 24 hours.
Reconnecting with Chad is a must because after a demanding basketball season where I see him a couple of hours a week we need to learn each other again. It's also good for me because the demands of making 3 meals a day, loads of laundry and cleaning constantly can get a bit overwhelming. I can not wait until April 1st when I drop my babies at my dad's house and then put the pedal to the metal to get home and relax. If I can I will sleep in and do what ever I want to do all weekend, though I'm sure I will have projects that must be done, but with no kids to bother me I will definitely get more done in a weekend than in a day.
Remember your selves and even if you don't get a weekend a day/night out is just as important because everyone needs a break.
There are some people who are lucky enough to have this luxury happen to them more than once a year and to you I do a happy dance and I spit on you. Sorry I can't just be happy for you because the envy I feel is too overwhelming. There are also some who don't even get once a year and for you I will take your spitting because I totally deserve it. I am willing to take on more kids for a night so that you too can have a break, if only for 24 hours.
Reconnecting with Chad is a must because after a demanding basketball season where I see him a couple of hours a week we need to learn each other again. It's also good for me because the demands of making 3 meals a day, loads of laundry and cleaning constantly can get a bit overwhelming. I can not wait until April 1st when I drop my babies at my dad's house and then put the pedal to the metal to get home and relax. If I can I will sleep in and do what ever I want to do all weekend, though I'm sure I will have projects that must be done, but with no kids to bother me I will definitely get more done in a weekend than in a day.
Remember your selves and even if you don't get a weekend a day/night out is just as important because everyone needs a break.
Friday, February 25, 2011
How Many is Too Many?
When I reconnect with people from high school they are shocked that I am married and have 4 kids. Growing up I didn't want kids. Heck when I met Chad I didn't want to get married or have kids. What changed my mind? Chad has a large family (4 sisters, 4 brothers-in-law and 8 nieces and nephews) and I changed my mind because I saw how awesome it can be to be apart of something like that.
When Cade was born I knew I wanted another immediately. I could not wait to get pregnant again because I wanted my kids close. Almost 6 months to the day after he was born I was pregnant again. The week after I got pregnant Cade stopped sleeping through the night and in fact did not sleep through the night until he was 3 1/2. If I hadn't been pregnant already I can guarantee that he would have been an only child. Camden came along and once again I knew that I wanted another and soon and just like with Cade I was pregnant 6 months to the day from Cam's birth.
Let me back track by saying that I truly believe that every child is hard. There isn't a point in a child's life that you will not worry, be financially helping (even if it's just taking them out to dinner), giving advise or any number of other things. To say that I have it hard is ridiculous because children are hard, no matter how many you have. One child is hard because they are alone. They don't have a companion to play with and you don't have a comparison to say that it's easier. Two is hard because it's double the work, love and worry. Your kids play AND fight together (no matter their gender) which does make it easier, but you also have to pay more for fun. For me three was the most painful.
When Kellen came along I could have been done. He was a sweet baby, but having three kids and two hands really is hard. I had Cade the runner who would book it from one side of the mall to the other with me towing 2 kids behind trying to catch him. Trying to keep track of 3 kids is hard and we made a game of numbering them because we counted so many times at the park. Even now I count continually because it's the easiest way to keep track. With Kellen's birth too I had put myself out of the box. I was no longer the nuclear family of 4, but the big 5. People looked at us a little differently because we had one extra and there was/is a lot of judging. I became sick with Graves' disease after I had Kellen and couldn't get pregnant because the drugs I was on caused birth defects, so we had to wait for Kolin a little longer than we had with the other boys. Having Kolin was the hardest decision. I knew that I did not want to just have 3 kids because after all, who would be the one riding alone on the roller coaster? Chad and I talked about it and said if I didn't get pregnant in September then it wasn't meant to be and since I am fertile mertile it was no problem and along came Kolin.
For me Kolin hasn't made a lot of difference. Sure it's hard having 4 kids, and financially it's harder, but I was already out numbered so it's not been so bad. Chad on the other hand thinks 4 is super hard. The hardest part of having Kolin is the age difference. Kellen and Kolin are 23 months apart as apposed to the 15 month of the other boys. It feels like for every stage we go through we get a little lull and then it's like a slap in the face when the next stage starts. With the other boys it was continuous until we left a stage. Potty training for 1 year, but three totally potty trained, now we will be starting over with Kolin soon.
When people talk about having more than 2 I always say don't. A third child is HARD and I believe you need to be prepared for what you're getting into. You need to know all the facts and the fact is you can't give them back, so if there's any hesitation then don't do it. I have a good friend who is pregnant with her third that both Chad and I tried to talk out of but she was insistent that she wanted a third and once she got her point across I knew that she would be a great mom to 3 because she wanted it just like I wanted it. Now 4 that one is hard. I'm all about even numbers, but if you think you're done, then you're done. I knew I was done after Kolin and had no problem giving everything away.
When Cade was born I knew I wanted another immediately. I could not wait to get pregnant again because I wanted my kids close. Almost 6 months to the day after he was born I was pregnant again. The week after I got pregnant Cade stopped sleeping through the night and in fact did not sleep through the night until he was 3 1/2. If I hadn't been pregnant already I can guarantee that he would have been an only child. Camden came along and once again I knew that I wanted another and soon and just like with Cade I was pregnant 6 months to the day from Cam's birth.
Let me back track by saying that I truly believe that every child is hard. There isn't a point in a child's life that you will not worry, be financially helping (even if it's just taking them out to dinner), giving advise or any number of other things. To say that I have it hard is ridiculous because children are hard, no matter how many you have. One child is hard because they are alone. They don't have a companion to play with and you don't have a comparison to say that it's easier. Two is hard because it's double the work, love and worry. Your kids play AND fight together (no matter their gender) which does make it easier, but you also have to pay more for fun. For me three was the most painful.
When Kellen came along I could have been done. He was a sweet baby, but having three kids and two hands really is hard. I had Cade the runner who would book it from one side of the mall to the other with me towing 2 kids behind trying to catch him. Trying to keep track of 3 kids is hard and we made a game of numbering them because we counted so many times at the park. Even now I count continually because it's the easiest way to keep track. With Kellen's birth too I had put myself out of the box. I was no longer the nuclear family of 4, but the big 5. People looked at us a little differently because we had one extra and there was/is a lot of judging. I became sick with Graves' disease after I had Kellen and couldn't get pregnant because the drugs I was on caused birth defects, so we had to wait for Kolin a little longer than we had with the other boys. Having Kolin was the hardest decision. I knew that I did not want to just have 3 kids because after all, who would be the one riding alone on the roller coaster? Chad and I talked about it and said if I didn't get pregnant in September then it wasn't meant to be and since I am fertile mertile it was no problem and along came Kolin.
For me Kolin hasn't made a lot of difference. Sure it's hard having 4 kids, and financially it's harder, but I was already out numbered so it's not been so bad. Chad on the other hand thinks 4 is super hard. The hardest part of having Kolin is the age difference. Kellen and Kolin are 23 months apart as apposed to the 15 month of the other boys. It feels like for every stage we go through we get a little lull and then it's like a slap in the face when the next stage starts. With the other boys it was continuous until we left a stage. Potty training for 1 year, but three totally potty trained, now we will be starting over with Kolin soon.
When people talk about having more than 2 I always say don't. A third child is HARD and I believe you need to be prepared for what you're getting into. You need to know all the facts and the fact is you can't give them back, so if there's any hesitation then don't do it. I have a good friend who is pregnant with her third that both Chad and I tried to talk out of but she was insistent that she wanted a third and once she got her point across I knew that she would be a great mom to 3 because she wanted it just like I wanted it. Now 4 that one is hard. I'm all about even numbers, but if you think you're done, then you're done. I knew I was done after Kolin and had no problem giving everything away.
Mommies should not get sick.
When you have little guys it is so hard to be sick. Since I am extremely anal retentive about my house and routine it has been a hard week. Tuesday night I realized I was feeling achy all over and when I took my temperature it was 100.4. Since I haven't had a fever in forever it was like being hit by a truck. I have a new and profound sympathy for my kids when they have fevers. After taking Tylenol and going to sleep early, only to have a very restless sleep I woke up feeling shaky and slightly hungover. Wednesday is sheets and towels day in our house and I was determined to get that done. I took kids to school, I tidied the house and I started loads of sheets and towels. Then it was pick up time. As the day wore on I started to feel worse. I just wanted to sleep or throw up and once again I had a fever, 101 this time.
When mom's are down for the count children are at their absolute worst. They know that you feel like shit, so they try to get away with everything. They wanted candy, I said yes just so they would leave me alone. I was physically in my house, but had pretty much checked out at about 1:30. To top off my sickness I wanted to clean because my friend was flying in on Thursday from St. Louis. When Chad finally got home I mustered up the guts to make the beds, practically passing out in the process and then was off to bed with a restless nights sleep AGAIN.
Thursday dawned and I still felt horrible, but there one thing that all woman have that men don't, FORTITUDE!!! I sucked it up and swept and mopped my house. I made sure the bathroom was clean and that my boys were forbidden to use it so it stayed clean. I rested in between, but I got stuff done. Luckily as the day went on I started to feel better and by the time Kathy did come I was well enough to go on the Moms Night Out that she had come for. I truly think that if I was a man I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed for 3 days, but being a mom I got it done because I had to. Unfortunately for my kids they had verbal wounds from a sick and tired mommy. I am not a nice mommy when I am sick and tired and there was more swearing in our house than normal, but they know I love them and they'll get over it, eventually.
When mom's are down for the count children are at their absolute worst. They know that you feel like shit, so they try to get away with everything. They wanted candy, I said yes just so they would leave me alone. I was physically in my house, but had pretty much checked out at about 1:30. To top off my sickness I wanted to clean because my friend was flying in on Thursday from St. Louis. When Chad finally got home I mustered up the guts to make the beds, practically passing out in the process and then was off to bed with a restless nights sleep AGAIN.
Thursday dawned and I still felt horrible, but there one thing that all woman have that men don't, FORTITUDE!!! I sucked it up and swept and mopped my house. I made sure the bathroom was clean and that my boys were forbidden to use it so it stayed clean. I rested in between, but I got stuff done. Luckily as the day went on I started to feel better and by the time Kathy did come I was well enough to go on the Moms Night Out that she had come for. I truly think that if I was a man I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed for 3 days, but being a mom I got it done because I had to. Unfortunately for my kids they had verbal wounds from a sick and tired mommy. I am not a nice mommy when I am sick and tired and there was more swearing in our house than normal, but they know I love them and they'll get over it, eventually.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Health and Exercise
When I was in high school I had a eating disorder. I was totally anorexic because no matter how much weight I lost my mom would always say I wasn't skinny I was slim. Slim was not what I wanted to hear and it wasn't until I had met Chad that I really started liking myself. The ironic part is that I'm about 10 pounds more than I was in high school now and if I hadn't been so concerned with my weight I would probably have been this weight then.
It's probably a good thing I don't have girls because even though I like what I look like now and don't think myself fat, with the exception of a bloated pre-period day, I would probably pass my early teenage insecurities to my girls. As soon as my kids were old enough to eat solid foods I started explaining what that food could do for your body, for example; carrots are good for your eyes, especially your night vision so you can see like a cat. Pancakes have lots of carbs to give your body the energy it needs to run super fast at school. Now I know that is totally a yuppie thing to do, but I needed to help them to understand that their bodies need food and that making good decisions on what they eat will help them to live a long and healthy life. Of course there is always a flip side to explaining what foods do for your body like when my kids started asking what candy/cakes/cookies did for them my response has been negative. They are bad for your body, your teeth and they make you fat. We all know that I'm right, but probably it wasn't the right way to explain it. My poor husband can't have a soda with out my kids telling him he's fat because he drinks it.
As my kids grow older we have started telling them the importance of exercise and how just playing outside is a great form of exercise, but neither Chad or I exercise. Kind of hypocritical right? Part of our New Year's resolution is to eat at home more, eat healthier and exercise. So far two of the three are going well, but exercise is the hardest to conquer because I have no inclination to exercise. I am super lucky to have an awesome metabolism and I think that's part of my problem. I don't have to work to get skinny and because of this I am teaching my children the wrong lessons. Now that Chad is done with basketball we are going to be making a conscious effort to eat better and exercise with our kids so that as a family we stay healthy. Hopefully knowing what the foods that go into their bodies and exercising together will help my kids to have a better body image than I did growing up and stay healthy when they are out of our house eating on their own.
It's probably a good thing I don't have girls because even though I like what I look like now and don't think myself fat, with the exception of a bloated pre-period day, I would probably pass my early teenage insecurities to my girls. As soon as my kids were old enough to eat solid foods I started explaining what that food could do for your body, for example; carrots are good for your eyes, especially your night vision so you can see like a cat. Pancakes have lots of carbs to give your body the energy it needs to run super fast at school. Now I know that is totally a yuppie thing to do, but I needed to help them to understand that their bodies need food and that making good decisions on what they eat will help them to live a long and healthy life. Of course there is always a flip side to explaining what foods do for your body like when my kids started asking what candy/cakes/cookies did for them my response has been negative. They are bad for your body, your teeth and they make you fat. We all know that I'm right, but probably it wasn't the right way to explain it. My poor husband can't have a soda with out my kids telling him he's fat because he drinks it.
As my kids grow older we have started telling them the importance of exercise and how just playing outside is a great form of exercise, but neither Chad or I exercise. Kind of hypocritical right? Part of our New Year's resolution is to eat at home more, eat healthier and exercise. So far two of the three are going well, but exercise is the hardest to conquer because I have no inclination to exercise. I am super lucky to have an awesome metabolism and I think that's part of my problem. I don't have to work to get skinny and because of this I am teaching my children the wrong lessons. Now that Chad is done with basketball we are going to be making a conscious effort to eat better and exercise with our kids so that as a family we stay healthy. Hopefully knowing what the foods that go into their bodies and exercising together will help my kids to have a better body image than I did growing up and stay healthy when they are out of our house eating on their own.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Basketball Wife
There is a famous quote by UCLA coach John Wooden about being married to basketball and his wife being his mistress. I refuse to be like John Wooden's wife. This basketball season has been one of the hardest and I will readily admit that I say that each basketball season because each basketball season it does get harder. Last season I was DONE!!!! Chad and I discussed his being done coaching, but after the season was done he really wanted to do one more year. Now as we come to the close of that one more year another year looms.
Basketball is a year round program like all organized sports now a days. It is 345 days of practice, games, strategies, worrying and exhilaration. For 20 days a year I get my husband to focus on us and it is great. For 3 months of the year, end of November to end of February, it is a jam packed schedule of non-stop basketball broken up by Christmas Day and New Year's Day. My husband is gone 6 days a week from 7am to 7pm on a good day. There are a few days here and there when he is home early, but basketball is at the forefront of his mind. I'm explaining this for all the people who tell him that he needs to be a coach.
If I was working maybe Chad's basketball schedule wouldn't have been so bad this year, but I'm not working, so it's neither here nor there. Chad's been a coach for 11 years and it's always been hard, but having 4 little boys ask me if daddy's coming home and me having to be both mommy and daddy is hard. I miss my partner, I miss having Chad experience all the good and the bad things that go on with having boys and I especially miss my companion. Trying to impart all that happened the day before in the bathroom in the morning is not an easy task, especially with little boys running around.
Chad has told me time and time again that basketball is his dream. I get the dream and I want him to have the dream, but sometimes it feels like dreams can be put on hold for a later time and be made better with maturity. Now is not the time for either of our dreams, it's the time to raise our boys to have dreams of their own. And as John Wooden has also said, "
Basketball is a year round program like all organized sports now a days. It is 345 days of practice, games, strategies, worrying and exhilaration. For 20 days a year I get my husband to focus on us and it is great. For 3 months of the year, end of November to end of February, it is a jam packed schedule of non-stop basketball broken up by Christmas Day and New Year's Day. My husband is gone 6 days a week from 7am to 7pm on a good day. There are a few days here and there when he is home early, but basketball is at the forefront of his mind. I'm explaining this for all the people who tell him that he needs to be a coach.
If I was working maybe Chad's basketball schedule wouldn't have been so bad this year, but I'm not working, so it's neither here nor there. Chad's been a coach for 11 years and it's always been hard, but having 4 little boys ask me if daddy's coming home and me having to be both mommy and daddy is hard. I miss my partner, I miss having Chad experience all the good and the bad things that go on with having boys and I especially miss my companion. Trying to impart all that happened the day before in the bathroom in the morning is not an easy task, especially with little boys running around.
Chad has told me time and time again that basketball is his dream. I get the dream and I want him to have the dream, but sometimes it feels like dreams can be put on hold for a later time and be made better with maturity. Now is not the time for either of our dreams, it's the time to raise our boys to have dreams of their own. And as John Wooden has also said, "
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Facebook Phenomenon
It amazes me that there is an entity that has made the world a different place in such a short amount of time. The Internet as a whole has done so much for the world in being able to get causes, atrocities and great things known to all, but nothing has come close to what Facebook has done.
In my small world Facebook has let me become better friends with ladies I have met through preschool. It is a wonderful thing to be able to 'talk' to your friends with out having your conversations interrupted every minute. I can check my status and those of my friends and see if anyone needs help, whose birthday it is and even get personal messages about t-ball. I can join groups that other people across the world are a part of and maybe even make friends with those people. Of course there is also the awesomeness of finding old friends. Especially the ones that you weren't necessarily friends with in high school, but have now formed a bond because you see what they are doing in their every day lives and you can relate. Then there is the other part of Facebook.
The other Facebook is the one that recently started a protest in Egypt to stop the absolute power that is going on there. It was the simple ability of those there to 'Post' and 'Like' the beginning of the fall of a country's power. Facebook has become an awe inspiring phenomenon that literally touches the lives of millions of people in hundreds of countries. I'll bet Mark Zuckerberg (sp?) didn't plan on this when he started it.
In my small world Facebook has let me become better friends with ladies I have met through preschool. It is a wonderful thing to be able to 'talk' to your friends with out having your conversations interrupted every minute. I can check my status and those of my friends and see if anyone needs help, whose birthday it is and even get personal messages about t-ball. I can join groups that other people across the world are a part of and maybe even make friends with those people. Of course there is also the awesomeness of finding old friends. Especially the ones that you weren't necessarily friends with in high school, but have now formed a bond because you see what they are doing in their every day lives and you can relate. Then there is the other part of Facebook.
The other Facebook is the one that recently started a protest in Egypt to stop the absolute power that is going on there. It was the simple ability of those there to 'Post' and 'Like' the beginning of the fall of a country's power. Facebook has become an awe inspiring phenomenon that literally touches the lives of millions of people in hundreds of countries. I'll bet Mark Zuckerberg (sp?) didn't plan on this when he started it.
Monday, January 31, 2011
School Dilema
As a parent I try not to be prejudice and to teach my children not to be prejudice, but lately I am noticing that Cade has segregated himself in his own classroom. For some background...last year at this time I struggled for months on if I was going to have Cade go to Peachland because they bus most of the student population in from off of Newhall Avenue. At the time my main worry was that Cade would be in a slower class because they teach to the class and if the class was not up to the academic level everyone would be going slower until they were. Now it's not so much of a problem in Kindergarten, but as new students come in and the higher grade level it could be. I had heard a few parents tell me that friends had pulled their kids out of Peachland's upper levels (5th and 6th grade) because of trouble at school with being picked on, but that was not as much of a concern for me. After talking to many and deciding that not only is Newhall School Districts API scores the best in the valley, but because of the many lower income students Peachland is a title one school thus affording them more money for newer technology (like smart boards) and the plain fact that being exposed to different cultures would be good for my boys we decided to leave Cade in Peachland.
As the year began I thought I had made the right choice. He has 2 hours with his teacher and 14 other students in the morning and then the late bird students come in for the last 1 and 1/2 hours of school with a class total at that time of 31. His teacher is highly educated and even went to Mexico a couple of years ago so she could learn the language. She has 2 Master degrees and has a special ed son, so she has the perfect personality and know how on how to deal with any kind of student she gets. He loves his class and his teacher and even though I didn't see a lot of advancement towards reading my weekly volunteering visits have been both fun and informative for me. My only concern since school started has been friends. Cade has 31 one students in his class. Of those 31 students 20 of them are bused in and are non-white. Of those 31 students my son is friends with 2 of the 3 white girls in his class. I would not care if all of his friends were the 20 bussed in non-white kids, but unfortunately they aren't. When I asked him why he doesn't play with the other kids he simply said because.
I am saddened that my son, who had tons of friends at preschool all 4 years, has 2 now. Now is the time of year that we start to register for Kindergarten and I am at the same point I was last year. Are my kids better off at a school that has kids of the same socio-economic status and ethnicity as they do? Do I leave them where they are, but in a couple of years when they are older I going to have to worry about these same kids beating up my kids? It is a hard decision to make. Made equally hard because I really love Cade's Kindergarten teacher and I really like both the principle and assistant principle. I wish that they would stop busing in kids, but would that encourage more segregation when we should be teaching our kids to make friends with all and that everyone is created equal.
As the year began I thought I had made the right choice. He has 2 hours with his teacher and 14 other students in the morning and then the late bird students come in for the last 1 and 1/2 hours of school with a class total at that time of 31. His teacher is highly educated and even went to Mexico a couple of years ago so she could learn the language. She has 2 Master degrees and has a special ed son, so she has the perfect personality and know how on how to deal with any kind of student she gets. He loves his class and his teacher and even though I didn't see a lot of advancement towards reading my weekly volunteering visits have been both fun and informative for me. My only concern since school started has been friends. Cade has 31 one students in his class. Of those 31 students 20 of them are bused in and are non-white. Of those 31 students my son is friends with 2 of the 3 white girls in his class. I would not care if all of his friends were the 20 bussed in non-white kids, but unfortunately they aren't. When I asked him why he doesn't play with the other kids he simply said because.
I am saddened that my son, who had tons of friends at preschool all 4 years, has 2 now. Now is the time of year that we start to register for Kindergarten and I am at the same point I was last year. Are my kids better off at a school that has kids of the same socio-economic status and ethnicity as they do? Do I leave them where they are, but in a couple of years when they are older I going to have to worry about these same kids beating up my kids? It is a hard decision to make. Made equally hard because I really love Cade's Kindergarten teacher and I really like both the principle and assistant principle. I wish that they would stop busing in kids, but would that encourage more segregation when we should be teaching our kids to make friends with all and that everyone is created equal.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Stranger Danger
I am a completely ruined mother after reading Patricia Cornwall and James Patterson. I will never let my sons run around our street with out me being outside, like I did as a child, because either from media hype, fiction or paranoia I am afraid my child will be abducted, raped and possibly eaten. The saddest part of all this? There are some nice people out there that I will never trust or even say a kind word to because I'm afraid of strangers.
Today I had a friend post that she was in the parking lot of Sam's Club walking to her car with her cart and daughter when a man came up to her and said, "you have a child, take care of her and I'll help you unload your cart." He then did just that, unloaded her groceries into the back of her car and then put the cart away for her. He didn't ask for money, he was just helping. My first thought? Creepy. Is he memorizing her license plate number so he can go to her house and kill her? Is he trying to see if she has anything worth stealing from Sam's Club? Yep, I'm ruined for life by my cynicism. I would NEVER let someone I don't know help me. I want to say it's because of all the media hype over serial killers, pedophiles, etc..., but I think it could be where we live.
I have heard from visiting people (International and National) that Californians are the rudest and lest helpful people they have ever met and I agree. In my mind when a neighbor moves in next door you say hi, but in reality you ask all the neighbors what they've heard and secretly scope them out to see if they are going to be good or not. You may wave, but more than likely you turn your back so you don't have to. I HATE IT! I want to live where I don't have to worry about my kids. I want to live where people say hi and have a nice day and mean it. The nicest stranger I know is the counter person at 7/11 who wishes me good luck when I buy a lotto ticket. So why are Californians so cynical? Are we afraid of the scary people we read of in books? Has the media made us this way or is it just our over inflated egos that make us believe we are better than everyone and we should ignore, not socialize and overall be rude?
Maybe instead of teaching our kids stranger danger so much we should teach our kids to pay it forward. That a kind word will make someones day and actions speak louder than words. Obviously strangers are still scary people and you can't trust everyone, but wouldn't the world be a little better if we tried to trust instead of convicting people of crimes we don't even know of because we're afraid and too good to be nice?
Today I had a friend post that she was in the parking lot of Sam's Club walking to her car with her cart and daughter when a man came up to her and said, "you have a child, take care of her and I'll help you unload your cart." He then did just that, unloaded her groceries into the back of her car and then put the cart away for her. He didn't ask for money, he was just helping. My first thought? Creepy. Is he memorizing her license plate number so he can go to her house and kill her? Is he trying to see if she has anything worth stealing from Sam's Club? Yep, I'm ruined for life by my cynicism. I would NEVER let someone I don't know help me. I want to say it's because of all the media hype over serial killers, pedophiles, etc..., but I think it could be where we live.
I have heard from visiting people (International and National) that Californians are the rudest and lest helpful people they have ever met and I agree. In my mind when a neighbor moves in next door you say hi, but in reality you ask all the neighbors what they've heard and secretly scope them out to see if they are going to be good or not. You may wave, but more than likely you turn your back so you don't have to. I HATE IT! I want to live where I don't have to worry about my kids. I want to live where people say hi and have a nice day and mean it. The nicest stranger I know is the counter person at 7/11 who wishes me good luck when I buy a lotto ticket. So why are Californians so cynical? Are we afraid of the scary people we read of in books? Has the media made us this way or is it just our over inflated egos that make us believe we are better than everyone and we should ignore, not socialize and overall be rude?
Maybe instead of teaching our kids stranger danger so much we should teach our kids to pay it forward. That a kind word will make someones day and actions speak louder than words. Obviously strangers are still scary people and you can't trust everyone, but wouldn't the world be a little better if we tried to trust instead of convicting people of crimes we don't even know of because we're afraid and too good to be nice?
Monday, January 24, 2011
I'd like a do-over please.
The hardest part of being a parent, whether of an animal or person, is there are no do-overs. You can't take back things that have been heard, actions played or in our case children born. As much as we try not to think it, there have been times recently when Chad and I have looked at each other and asked our selves why we had #4. Don't get me wrong, I would die for Kolin and I love him soo much, but since his birth we have been more financially strapped then ever before. It's a hard lesson to learn and it's even harder because you can't go back. There's also the question if I would. I can not imagine our family with out my stubborn little sumo wrestler stomping into my room while I'm getting ready with a batting helmet on and Chad's basketball shoes grabbing his diaper saying "poo poo". He has the most personality of any of my children and of all of them I could see Kolin doing tv work because of it.
There are the good days and the bad and instead of focusing on all the bad things my kids do in a day, I've been trying to focus more on the awesome things they do as learning little people. Kellen going through the utensil drawer today is a great example. Normally that would annoy the hell out of me, and I'm not saying I wasn't a little annoyed, but him asking me what every single thing was and what it did reminded me that he is learning and you can't learn if you don't ask questions.
Another hard part of parenting is you can't give up. When you're working on a really hard math problem and you say "I give up, you try", yeah that doesn't work with kids. There have been many trying days lately and I so want to say I give up I'm leaving. Of course you can't leave and you can't give up because this is your team and they are counting on you. I've seen the parents that have given up. They are the ones that think their kids are old enough to take care of themselves and let their kids do whatever they want. I hope to never give up because ultimately you're giving up on your kids.
Do-overs and giving up aside being a parent is hard and as I tell friends with 1 or 2 kids it doesn't matter how many kids you have they are all hard and every hard situation is hard for everyone.
There are the good days and the bad and instead of focusing on all the bad things my kids do in a day, I've been trying to focus more on the awesome things they do as learning little people. Kellen going through the utensil drawer today is a great example. Normally that would annoy the hell out of me, and I'm not saying I wasn't a little annoyed, but him asking me what every single thing was and what it did reminded me that he is learning and you can't learn if you don't ask questions.
Another hard part of parenting is you can't give up. When you're working on a really hard math problem and you say "I give up, you try", yeah that doesn't work with kids. There have been many trying days lately and I so want to say I give up I'm leaving. Of course you can't leave and you can't give up because this is your team and they are counting on you. I've seen the parents that have given up. They are the ones that think their kids are old enough to take care of themselves and let their kids do whatever they want. I hope to never give up because ultimately you're giving up on your kids.
Do-overs and giving up aside being a parent is hard and as I tell friends with 1 or 2 kids it doesn't matter how many kids you have they are all hard and every hard situation is hard for everyone.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Minivan Mama
I am prejudice. I think moms who drive mini-vans are dorks. Yes, I know, I drive one too, but it was a medical necessity and not a voluntary option. When I got sick with Grave's Disease I literally did not have the energy or muscle mass to lift the boys into the Suburban. Every time I exerted myself I would get light headed and almost pass out. Good times. Needless to say I researched mini-vans and we got the Toyota, otherwise known as the Swagger Wagon. I can honestly say that I may not have bought the Toyota if I had known that they were going to re-name Santa Clarita Awesome town because it's just retarded to say I drive a Swagger Wagon in Awesome Town. Just saying.
Mini-van driving moms have no sex appeal. You can't walk down the sidewalk and feel good about yourself and then get in a mini-van. You can no longer roll down the windows and blast music because you are driving a mini-van. If you go fast you are a crazy mom driving, not a cool chick testing your cars limits. The worst is when Chad drives the mini-van. I have always said that men should not drive mini-vans. It takes their masculinity down at least 5 notches. Chad thinks the mini-van is cool. It's really nice inside and it's fully loaded. Also, no one can beat the automatic doors, but it's still a mini-van. I know it's all in my head, but I am a car girl. If I won the lottery I'd have at least 7 different cars. The first car to go would be the mini-van. Sorry my mini-van driving moms, nothing against you and your love for your car I just personally hate it.
Mini-van driving moms have no sex appeal. You can't walk down the sidewalk and feel good about yourself and then get in a mini-van. You can no longer roll down the windows and blast music because you are driving a mini-van. If you go fast you are a crazy mom driving, not a cool chick testing your cars limits. The worst is when Chad drives the mini-van. I have always said that men should not drive mini-vans. It takes their masculinity down at least 5 notches. Chad thinks the mini-van is cool. It's really nice inside and it's fully loaded. Also, no one can beat the automatic doors, but it's still a mini-van. I know it's all in my head, but I am a car girl. If I won the lottery I'd have at least 7 different cars. The first car to go would be the mini-van. Sorry my mini-van driving moms, nothing against you and your love for your car I just personally hate it.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Hungry, Again?!
My second oldest, Cam, went on hunger strike when he turned 15 months old and has been on it until very recently. Forever I have been worried about him not getting enough to eat because he would literally lick a piece of toast and say he was full. Now I long for those days.
All my boys are basically good eaters, but Cam is eating enough for all 4 boys combined. It doesn't matter how much he has at a given meal, 20 minutes later he is hungry. It's starting to drive me crazy. I don't have enough food in my house, EVER, to feed this one tiny little boy. Yesterday he had french toast sticks, oj and a banana for breakfast at around 7:30, but by 8:30 he was starving. A granola bar doesn't cut it either. He wants a granola bar, an orange, cheese and crackers, chips and string cheese. I try to only let him have half of that and then more at a normal snack time like 10, but it gets hard because by 10 he's starving again. Lunch consisted of mac and cheese, a hot dog and an apple with a glass of milk; by 1 hungry again. A little bag of chips and some cheese and crackers and trying to get him to have a drink. His words back to me on that? "I said I was hungry, not thirsty!" Sigh. I know that if he had more fluids it would help a little, but how do you get that across to your child? Dinner was a hamburger and veggies and a glass of milk and I'm not kidding but an hour later he was hungry again so he had another orange and a piece of cheese. I try for at least healthy meals, but the meaning of boys eating you out of house and home is not an exaggeration and he's only 1 child. Any tips on what to feed a forever hungry boy would be greatly appreciated. :)
All my boys are basically good eaters, but Cam is eating enough for all 4 boys combined. It doesn't matter how much he has at a given meal, 20 minutes later he is hungry. It's starting to drive me crazy. I don't have enough food in my house, EVER, to feed this one tiny little boy. Yesterday he had french toast sticks, oj and a banana for breakfast at around 7:30, but by 8:30 he was starving. A granola bar doesn't cut it either. He wants a granola bar, an orange, cheese and crackers, chips and string cheese. I try to only let him have half of that and then more at a normal snack time like 10, but it gets hard because by 10 he's starving again. Lunch consisted of mac and cheese, a hot dog and an apple with a glass of milk; by 1 hungry again. A little bag of chips and some cheese and crackers and trying to get him to have a drink. His words back to me on that? "I said I was hungry, not thirsty!" Sigh. I know that if he had more fluids it would help a little, but how do you get that across to your child? Dinner was a hamburger and veggies and a glass of milk and I'm not kidding but an hour later he was hungry again so he had another orange and a piece of cheese. I try for at least healthy meals, but the meaning of boys eating you out of house and home is not an exaggeration and he's only 1 child. Any tips on what to feed a forever hungry boy would be greatly appreciated. :)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Getting Any?
Chad and I have long thought that sex is an important part of any relationship, but in the newest issue of Real Simple they talked about a couple who had lost interest in their sex life because they became "too tired", rushed, busy, etc because of life and children. With four kids I get being too tired, but we make it happen. LOL
Sex isn't just about feeling good, but it's the connection between you and your partner. Sometimes when you're fighting it's the only connection you do have. At other times it's the part of your relationship that keeps you young. Sex is about the intimate glances, the cute underwear you show your husband you're going to wear when you're walking to the shower or the perfume you spray on and have your husband smell. Of course I'm normal. I do get tired, I do get headaches and I am not always in the 'mood', but Chad and I try to make time for us too, even if it's just a fun make out session.
I think being a mom has made me more in touch with my sexuality. I have someone who thinks I'm beautiful cellulite, stretchmarks and all. I want to be sexy because of him. Being sexy isn't just looking good it's a state of mind. Just because we're moms who says we can't wear sexy underwear, perfume and lipstick with our jeans and t-shirts? So ladies, dress sexy under those mom clothes, feel good about your selves and have lots of fun sex with your husbands. Guaranteed everyone will be happy in your house if you do and possibly a little more stress free.
Sex isn't just about feeling good, but it's the connection between you and your partner. Sometimes when you're fighting it's the only connection you do have. At other times it's the part of your relationship that keeps you young. Sex is about the intimate glances, the cute underwear you show your husband you're going to wear when you're walking to the shower or the perfume you spray on and have your husband smell. Of course I'm normal. I do get tired, I do get headaches and I am not always in the 'mood', but Chad and I try to make time for us too, even if it's just a fun make out session.
I think being a mom has made me more in touch with my sexuality. I have someone who thinks I'm beautiful cellulite, stretchmarks and all. I want to be sexy because of him. Being sexy isn't just looking good it's a state of mind. Just because we're moms who says we can't wear sexy underwear, perfume and lipstick with our jeans and t-shirts? So ladies, dress sexy under those mom clothes, feel good about your selves and have lots of fun sex with your husbands. Guaranteed everyone will be happy in your house if you do and possibly a little more stress free.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Anyone else angry?
Before I had kids I wasn't an angry person, but since, I have seen red more than more whole entire life before kids. The question is why? I know I'm not alone because kids have a way of making parents crazy, even the angel children and the weirdly calm parents.
I've thought about it and I think there is a whole list of reasons why. One such reason is that as we grow older we are used to not being questioned and when we tell someone to do something or suggest it people for the most part do it. Not so much with kids, at least the younger ones (I have hope that as my boys grow older they will start actually listening to the words that come out of my mouth and not interpreting them their own way). My oldest, Cade, was never a why kid, but when Cam came around and started talking every other word was/is why? I swear that kid knows the rules of the road by heart because when we drive he asks all the traffic laws. It can get very tiring, but what can you say? "the double is that way because I said, enough!" Just when I thought the why kid was tough I got the worst kind, the selective hearing kid, Kellen.
Kellen is my son who never hears what you have to say and if by some chance he does hear you and it's not what he wants to hear, then he hears it differently. AHHHHH! This is the worst kid because you are CONSTANTLY repeating, screaming, time out-ing this kind. Although Kolin hasn't quite reached the age to know what he's going to be like stubborn is already his middle name. Back to the anger.
No matter how much you say you aren't going to be a yeller when you are a parent it is an inevitable phenomenon. There are and will be times when your child does not hear you whether by choice or not and screaming/yelling is the only way you can get through to them. I used to feel guilty about yelling at my kids, but then I started listening to my other fellow moms and realized that I am not alone. Thank goodness. Along with the yelling is the frustration that toys are everywhere, your kids leave their stuff, ie: dishes, clothes, homework, backpacks, toys... EVERYWHERE. It drives me crazy and I actually warn my boys that "mommy is on the edge and you better start making this place look like a house instead of a barn or I'm going to lose it!" Eye twitching is also a good indicator.
When your feeling like the only crazy angry mom out there know that you are not alone. It's hard to teach your children every day to be good people who are responsible, smart and clean. Give your self a pat on the back that you're trying and know that every mom gets mad and the more kids you have just multiplies the anger some times.
I've thought about it and I think there is a whole list of reasons why. One such reason is that as we grow older we are used to not being questioned and when we tell someone to do something or suggest it people for the most part do it. Not so much with kids, at least the younger ones (I have hope that as my boys grow older they will start actually listening to the words that come out of my mouth and not interpreting them their own way). My oldest, Cade, was never a why kid, but when Cam came around and started talking every other word was/is why? I swear that kid knows the rules of the road by heart because when we drive he asks all the traffic laws. It can get very tiring, but what can you say? "the double is that way because I said, enough!" Just when I thought the why kid was tough I got the worst kind, the selective hearing kid, Kellen.
Kellen is my son who never hears what you have to say and if by some chance he does hear you and it's not what he wants to hear, then he hears it differently. AHHHHH! This is the worst kid because you are CONSTANTLY repeating, screaming, time out-ing this kind. Although Kolin hasn't quite reached the age to know what he's going to be like stubborn is already his middle name. Back to the anger.
No matter how much you say you aren't going to be a yeller when you are a parent it is an inevitable phenomenon. There are and will be times when your child does not hear you whether by choice or not and screaming/yelling is the only way you can get through to them. I used to feel guilty about yelling at my kids, but then I started listening to my other fellow moms and realized that I am not alone. Thank goodness. Along with the yelling is the frustration that toys are everywhere, your kids leave their stuff, ie: dishes, clothes, homework, backpacks, toys... EVERYWHERE. It drives me crazy and I actually warn my boys that "mommy is on the edge and you better start making this place look like a house instead of a barn or I'm going to lose it!" Eye twitching is also a good indicator.
When your feeling like the only crazy angry mom out there know that you are not alone. It's hard to teach your children every day to be good people who are responsible, smart and clean. Give your self a pat on the back that you're trying and know that every mom gets mad and the more kids you have just multiplies the anger some times.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Disabilities
I am profusely blessed with not having children with severe disabilities. I have so many friends with children dealing with ADD/Autism and Asbergers (sp?) and I can only imagine the struggles that they face on a daily basis and in the future. So far in my children's young lives Kellen has been the only child that has shown any issues and really is a speech issue that big of a deal?
My sweet loving Kellen can talk to you, but you may only understand a handful of his words. Forever I could not understand what this meant, "mommy, the bay took a tay and it fell into the tayet". Translation: the boy took a toy and it fell into the toilet. Yep, that's my little love bug with is cute raspy voice talking gibberish. It gets worse since he has a problems with the letters r, d, l, s and many more that I can't figure out, but next week hopefully the speech pathologist will hear.
The most frustrating thing about your child having any kind of difficulty is that it is a constant fight to get someone to see them to get them the services they need. Chad is a special ed teacher and we have friends who are in the field, so I knew what it was going to take and I'm still frustrated. From the first contact request, which can only be by snail mail letter, the school district has 60 days to get back to you. I wrote my letter in November and will finally get Kellen assessed next Thursday. We're hoping that Kellen can get into a program that will help him to pronounce better and even though he's only 3 1/2 his speech will be the deciding factor if he goes to Kindergarten when he's 5 or 6 (since he's a July baby). Ah, don't you just love being a parent, isn't it grand.
My sweet loving Kellen can talk to you, but you may only understand a handful of his words. Forever I could not understand what this meant, "mommy, the bay took a tay and it fell into the tayet". Translation: the boy took a toy and it fell into the toilet. Yep, that's my little love bug with is cute raspy voice talking gibberish. It gets worse since he has a problems with the letters r, d, l, s and many more that I can't figure out, but next week hopefully the speech pathologist will hear.
The most frustrating thing about your child having any kind of difficulty is that it is a constant fight to get someone to see them to get them the services they need. Chad is a special ed teacher and we have friends who are in the field, so I knew what it was going to take and I'm still frustrated. From the first contact request, which can only be by snail mail letter, the school district has 60 days to get back to you. I wrote my letter in November and will finally get Kellen assessed next Thursday. We're hoping that Kellen can get into a program that will help him to pronounce better and even though he's only 3 1/2 his speech will be the deciding factor if he goes to Kindergarten when he's 5 or 6 (since he's a July baby). Ah, don't you just love being a parent, isn't it grand.
Friday, January 7, 2011
sick kids and compassion
Before I had kids I felt sad when I heard about a child being sick, because kids should always be healthy and happy, right? After I had kids I felt sad still and maybe a little sick with worry because I now had kids and understood when a child was sick how worrisome it can be. When Cade was 10 months old he got the flu and threw up non-stop for 24 hours. He was so sick and dehydrated that he was admitted to the hospital and I spent a horrific night trying to make my baby comfortable while he was hooked up to IVs in a cold hospital crib. It was horrible and still when I think of that event from 5 years ago I still feel the fear of being a helpless parent when your child is sick.
Yesterday my friend Jen's son Austen was admitted to the hospital. He's been sick for weeks with first pneumonia and now RSV and has not gotten better. Because I know Austen I want him to be well more than any commercial for St. Jude's kids (which make me cry every time and is the only charity I give regularly to). I know that sick feeling in the pit of Jen's stomach that is helpless fear and I wish Austen would be better now and I could do something to make it better.
Jen's other son Caiden is Kellen's best friend. Never before have I seen one of my sons bond with a child like Kellen and Caiden. They are the cutest little boys and yesterday Caiden came to play with us for the day. I am grateful that I was able to do something for Jen and lucky that ALL my boys took Caiden under their wings. Yesterday Caiden was another brother for my boys and it showed in the hugs and fun they showed him. I'm not sure if they know or understand that Caiden's brother is sick, but they knew that Caiden needed some fun friends to play with and made yesterday a great day for everyone. As I left to take Caiden home to his grandparents house last night hugs and kisses and I love yous went around from the boys and I realized how blessed I am to have my boys. Prayers for Austen who needs to get better soon, especially since my boys can't wait for him to grown up and play too.
Yesterday my friend Jen's son Austen was admitted to the hospital. He's been sick for weeks with first pneumonia and now RSV and has not gotten better. Because I know Austen I want him to be well more than any commercial for St. Jude's kids (which make me cry every time and is the only charity I give regularly to). I know that sick feeling in the pit of Jen's stomach that is helpless fear and I wish Austen would be better now and I could do something to make it better.
Jen's other son Caiden is Kellen's best friend. Never before have I seen one of my sons bond with a child like Kellen and Caiden. They are the cutest little boys and yesterday Caiden came to play with us for the day. I am grateful that I was able to do something for Jen and lucky that ALL my boys took Caiden under their wings. Yesterday Caiden was another brother for my boys and it showed in the hugs and fun they showed him. I'm not sure if they know or understand that Caiden's brother is sick, but they knew that Caiden needed some fun friends to play with and made yesterday a great day for everyone. As I left to take Caiden home to his grandparents house last night hugs and kisses and I love yous went around from the boys and I realized how blessed I am to have my boys. Prayers for Austen who needs to get better soon, especially since my boys can't wait for him to grown up and play too.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year's sickness
Today I had the misfortune of having a sick kid that needed to go to Urgent Care. Of course since it's the 1st of the year there was only 1 Urgent Care open and 1 Pharmacy. Now I could have gone to the E.R., but unless there is major bleeding or a broken bone, I'm not stepping foot there.
Always in the past if I had a sick kid on a Friday I took them into the doctor, because you never know what could happen. This is the one time that I said, "it's just a cold" and let it go. Stupid stupid stupid. My poor Kol baby had a double ear infection. Since Kolin can barely talk trying to get him to express what was wrong with him was next to impossible, though I have to give him credit because he did say he had ouchies.
As I walked into the Facey urgent care I was amazed that many people could fit into that waiting room. There had to be at least 30 people in there and I almost turned around then. Not being a fan of Facey I might have been more abrupt with the front desk people for trying to recruit me to join their practice. No, I am here under duress only! The people were very efficient for the amount of patients being seen and since Kolin was in a fever induced stupor it wasn't so bad. 3 1/2 hours later Kolin and I were home with antibiotics and he's feeling better already. My only big complaint of the whole ordeal? Why is there only 1 freaking urgent care and 1 freaking pharmacy open on New Years Day? There are almost 200,000 people living in the Santa Clarita valley and 1 is not enough. I guess this is another place my future lottery winnings will be spent.
Always in the past if I had a sick kid on a Friday I took them into the doctor, because you never know what could happen. This is the one time that I said, "it's just a cold" and let it go. Stupid stupid stupid. My poor Kol baby had a double ear infection. Since Kolin can barely talk trying to get him to express what was wrong with him was next to impossible, though I have to give him credit because he did say he had ouchies.
As I walked into the Facey urgent care I was amazed that many people could fit into that waiting room. There had to be at least 30 people in there and I almost turned around then. Not being a fan of Facey I might have been more abrupt with the front desk people for trying to recruit me to join their practice. No, I am here under duress only! The people were very efficient for the amount of patients being seen and since Kolin was in a fever induced stupor it wasn't so bad. 3 1/2 hours later Kolin and I were home with antibiotics and he's feeling better already. My only big complaint of the whole ordeal? Why is there only 1 freaking urgent care and 1 freaking pharmacy open on New Years Day? There are almost 200,000 people living in the Santa Clarita valley and 1 is not enough. I guess this is another place my future lottery winnings will be spent.
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