As I was contemplating the end of the year I was reviewing how much money is spent on my children. Not counting in toys, clothes, sports or other hidden 'essentials', just food. We are on a tight budget and when I say tight I mean we go to Costco once a month and the market weekly, for the essentials that I couldn't get at Costco.
In a month I go through....
6 loaves of bread (and that's not making sandwiches everyday)
5 bags of apples (about 8 apples in a bag)
16 bunches of bananas (you'd think that would stop them up a little)
1 super box of diapers
1 super box of wipes
1 Costco size Gummy Vitamins (90qty)
6 cases of water
5 boxes of Capri sun (and that's only for lunches, so Kolin never has one)
16 gallons of milk
1/2 of a Costco size TP
1 Costco size cheese and crackers
1 Costco size granola bar
2 Costco size yogurts
8 boxes of cereal
3 18 packs of eggs
4 gallons of OJ
2 economy size string cheese
5 packs of hot dogs.... and the list goes on.
The good part? Super Walmart. I absolutely hate that store, but when my food bill comes in $100 less than if I had gone to Vons or Ralphs I have to go. I spend on average $800 a month on food and food type items. I was recently watching the McNaughty sextuplets that just turned 13 and they were talking about food and when those babies were born their food budget was $300 a month. That woman is a saint! Food is expensive for 6 people and 3 animals I can't imagine 10 people. Since Cade and Kolin seem to be unlimited on their food intake lately I am afraid to see what 2011 is going to bring my food bills. Happy New Year.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Dentist
Today I went to the dentist for me. I hate the dentist and it isn't because of some childhood horror, nope it didn't start until after I had Cade. I am one of those women that had all the good teeth karma sucked out of me when I got pregnant. After I had Cade I had 3 cavities and one eventually became so bad that my tooth actually broke in half and I had to get a crown. This was my first tooth incident. Before that I had perfect teeth, no issues. Now, not so much. Why would I torture myself with going to the dentist 2 days before Christmas, because you gotta go and Chad is on vacation so I can go.
Always expecting the worst now that I've had children I was still a little un-prepared for the comments made by my dentist. What did you say? I have deep crevices in my two bottom molars that are eating away at the enamel and I really need to get them fixed? Why? Because of my acid reflux and the excessive amount of soda I've been drinking. Huh, weird, SINCE I DON'T HAVE ACID REFLUX OR DRINK SODA!! WTF! How can I have this issue with out having any kind of acid in my mouth? Yep, once again thoroughly annoyed with my dental experience and so glad that I'll be starting the new year having to go back to the dentist for two fillings to "save" my teeth before the excessive acid can do any more permanent damage.
Always expecting the worst now that I've had children I was still a little un-prepared for the comments made by my dentist. What did you say? I have deep crevices in my two bottom molars that are eating away at the enamel and I really need to get them fixed? Why? Because of my acid reflux and the excessive amount of soda I've been drinking. Huh, weird, SINCE I DON'T HAVE ACID REFLUX OR DRINK SODA!! WTF! How can I have this issue with out having any kind of acid in my mouth? Yep, once again thoroughly annoyed with my dental experience and so glad that I'll be starting the new year having to go back to the dentist for two fillings to "save" my teeth before the excessive acid can do any more permanent damage.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Rainy days
It is weeks that include 4 days of rain that I long for a basement. It's great having a large yard, but when it's a pool now and it's rained pretty much non-stop for 4 days it is worthless. If I had a basement I could set up an obstacle course and make the boys have races to stave off the incredible amount of energy they have. I would have a wall made out of chalk board paint that the boys could write on instead of wasting all the printer paper we have. My dog would probably still be outside since she can't stop eating the boys toys or she could stay upstairs with me away from the toys.
Instead we are trying to find creative things to do, like the gigantic fort we built last night that was ruined this morning when Kolin jumped on it. On Friday we went to the mall and played at the little play area there. Of course that is a germ haven, so I try to avoid doing that at all costs. We also like to walk the mall and look in the windows. I'm hoping at some point to go to the bounce house, even though it costs me $40 to go, because it's from 10a to 6p and I can come and go when I need to. It's really hard to live in Southern California when it rains because there just isn't enough for us to do when it rains here.
Instead we are trying to find creative things to do, like the gigantic fort we built last night that was ruined this morning when Kolin jumped on it. On Friday we went to the mall and played at the little play area there. Of course that is a germ haven, so I try to avoid doing that at all costs. We also like to walk the mall and look in the windows. I'm hoping at some point to go to the bounce house, even though it costs me $40 to go, because it's from 10a to 6p and I can come and go when I need to. It's really hard to live in Southern California when it rains because there just isn't enough for us to do when it rains here.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Christmas Program Hell
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only mom who cringes when it's time for Christmas programs. It's not that I don't enjoy seeing one of my boys singing his heart out showing how hard he worked to learn a song with his fellow students, it's more about the torture I endure to see said 1 minute of pride and joy. At the boys preschool each parent is assigned 1 seat and any remaining family members are supposed to stand in the back. I have never been able to sit because strollers are not easy to maneuver in the tight space that is provided. Today was not an exception.
As I stood in the back with Kellen and Kolin (strapped in to a stroller) I realized that I should have gotten to the program at 10, even though it started at 11 because I was quickly being surrounded by amazon people. As the children finally started filing in, of course late at 11:10, I could not see a thing. Kellen wanted to be held so he could see and not surprisingly so did Kolin. I'm not sure if everyone is up to date on Kolin, but last appointment he was 32.5 pounds @ 16 months.
Trying to keep Kolin happy while holding Kellen and squeezing between 6 foot plus people I got a small glimpse of Cam singing his heart out and the opportunity to wave. As I stepped back to rescue Kolin, who was 3 feet away, I put Kellen on the back counter and picked up Kolin. Kellen starts screaming that he can't see and he wants me to pick him up, Kolin is running for the door and I just wanted to cry. Why was I doing this for 1 minute of my sons life? It was a beautiful thing to see my shy, quite little boy come out of his shell for the audience, but in that moment with 2 crying kids, kicking and hitting me while dad's watched I was done. I grabbed both boys hip pushed the stroller outside and said "have at it" to the play yard. I sat in the freezing cold waiting for Cam to be done with the rest of his program and then got all the boys a cookie before leaving to pick up Cade from school. I can say in hindsight I did the right thing removing us from the situation before I was tempted to beat the crap out of my kids (too many witnesses), but at the time I felt defeated. Thank goodness for my dear friend, Sarah, calling me from 400 miles away to make me feel better. Tomorrow is Kellen's program and I'll be sure to get there at 10, so I don't have the same problem.
As I stood in the back with Kellen and Kolin (strapped in to a stroller) I realized that I should have gotten to the program at 10, even though it started at 11 because I was quickly being surrounded by amazon people. As the children finally started filing in, of course late at 11:10, I could not see a thing. Kellen wanted to be held so he could see and not surprisingly so did Kolin. I'm not sure if everyone is up to date on Kolin, but last appointment he was 32.5 pounds @ 16 months.
Trying to keep Kolin happy while holding Kellen and squeezing between 6 foot plus people I got a small glimpse of Cam singing his heart out and the opportunity to wave. As I stepped back to rescue Kolin, who was 3 feet away, I put Kellen on the back counter and picked up Kolin. Kellen starts screaming that he can't see and he wants me to pick him up, Kolin is running for the door and I just wanted to cry. Why was I doing this for 1 minute of my sons life? It was a beautiful thing to see my shy, quite little boy come out of his shell for the audience, but in that moment with 2 crying kids, kicking and hitting me while dad's watched I was done. I grabbed both boys hip pushed the stroller outside and said "have at it" to the play yard. I sat in the freezing cold waiting for Cam to be done with the rest of his program and then got all the boys a cookie before leaving to pick up Cade from school. I can say in hindsight I did the right thing removing us from the situation before I was tempted to beat the crap out of my kids (too many witnesses), but at the time I felt defeated. Thank goodness for my dear friend, Sarah, calling me from 400 miles away to make me feel better. Tomorrow is Kellen's program and I'll be sure to get there at 10, so I don't have the same problem.
Fighting
My boys have fought since Cade was 2 and Cam was 8 months old and trying to take away a toy to drool on. I know that siblings fight, but there are times that I cry because I am so frustrated by the constant hitting, bickering, and tattle telling. After putting on face book that I was at my wits end I got a few responses on how to help the fighting and was surprised by most.
A lot of people said exercise, but unfortunately most of my boys fighting is in the morning and since we're already strapped for time having them run around the block a few times would not help. I don't think drinking will help the boys to stop fighting just dull the pain a little. I really liked the suggestion to Velcro them to the wall and was in fact picturing a wall made of Velcro that I could put them on when they are bad. The only real problem I saw with the Velcro wall was trying to get them in the special suit they'd have to wear to be put on the wall. Also, they might actually like that and it wouldn't be the punishment I meant it to be. I have tried sending them to their rooms, but since Cade and Cam share a room it doesn't stop the fighting (though my friend Nikki's suggestion of having Cam or Cade in the guest room does have merit).
We have this mantra that Chad started when we only had two, "brothers love and hug", that we scream at them when they are beating the crap out of each other. Sometimes they pause and repeat, but a lot it's I don't love him and I won't hug him. Sigh. It's times like these that make me want to pull my hair out. Add in at least one of the big boys spilling a cup of something sticky like apple juice or in this mornings moment chocolate milk and I scream.
As I try to tell myself every day today is a new day and it will be better. I am going to make them hug each other for 30 seconds (thank you Mindy) and if that doesn't work they will be spending time in their room until they are able to play nicely with the other boys. Now if I could just keep my sumo wrestler 18 month old out of all the boys stuff I may be able to pull it off. Wish me luck and if that doesn't help, send over some wine.
A lot of people said exercise, but unfortunately most of my boys fighting is in the morning and since we're already strapped for time having them run around the block a few times would not help. I don't think drinking will help the boys to stop fighting just dull the pain a little. I really liked the suggestion to Velcro them to the wall and was in fact picturing a wall made of Velcro that I could put them on when they are bad. The only real problem I saw with the Velcro wall was trying to get them in the special suit they'd have to wear to be put on the wall. Also, they might actually like that and it wouldn't be the punishment I meant it to be. I have tried sending them to their rooms, but since Cade and Cam share a room it doesn't stop the fighting (though my friend Nikki's suggestion of having Cam or Cade in the guest room does have merit).
We have this mantra that Chad started when we only had two, "brothers love and hug", that we scream at them when they are beating the crap out of each other. Sometimes they pause and repeat, but a lot it's I don't love him and I won't hug him. Sigh. It's times like these that make me want to pull my hair out. Add in at least one of the big boys spilling a cup of something sticky like apple juice or in this mornings moment chocolate milk and I scream.
As I try to tell myself every day today is a new day and it will be better. I am going to make them hug each other for 30 seconds (thank you Mindy) and if that doesn't work they will be spending time in their room until they are able to play nicely with the other boys. Now if I could just keep my sumo wrestler 18 month old out of all the boys stuff I may be able to pull it off. Wish me luck and if that doesn't help, send over some wine.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tantrums
Today I had a mommy tantrum. I was on my way home from the bookstore with my kids, which for me is like Disneyland, and was finally fed up with all the arguing and screaming. I told my kids to shut their mouths and when that didn't work I cranked up the Christmas music to blaring and just listened. Kolin had a great time because he loves to rock out and the boys cried for a few minutes about it hurting their ears and then quited down. Mommy does not do this often, so obviously it was important to pay attention.
This week is one of the hardest of the year for me. It is the week that Chad hosts a basketball tournament at Canyon and is gone virtually from Monday at 7am to Saturday night around 8:30/9pm. He pops home to sleep and says a quick hi to the boys (and feeds the animals in the morning because I never remember) and then is gone again. Today is day 5 of the tournament. Day 5 is when I have pretty much lost my sanity and my blood pressure is at a constant boil racing through my veins. Today I opened a bottle of wine, even though I don't really drink and wine would never be first on my list of drinks, I thought it would be safer that way.
Of course my children scent a wounded animal like wild animals, so this morning started out with the big 3 playing instead of coming down to eat breakfast, me yelling at them to put shoes on, brush teeth, etc...and coalescing with apple juice being spilled on the floor. After feeling the vein pop out on my forehead we all piled in the car and dropped off Cade and Cam. Have I ever expressed my undying love for Early Bird Preschool drop off? Oh my how I love it and it makes my day so much better. If only I could afford the extra $150 a month to drop my boys off every day early, sigh.
Anyways, after the C's drop off the K's and I went to Target. I needed gift cards for teacher Christmas gifts, stocking stuffers for Chad and surprisingly jeans for Cade because 3 pairs have gone missing. While we were in the boy section I thought I'd be sly and grab underwear and socks for Cam and Kel for their stockings, but Kel wanted his underwear NOW!!!! I thought I'd be smart and say they were for a child that needed them. That's when he threw himself on the ground and started screaming that he needed new underwear.
Now I am one of those annoying moms who totally ignores her screaming child and has been known in the past to completely walk away. Kel once did this in the Walmart produce section. He was on one end and I was on the other getting the fruits I needed when I realized that an older couple were getting the store manager because they thought he was lost. I had to go over and tell them that he was having a tantrum. I am not neglectful, but really what do you do? I was tempted to backhand him when he hit me in the back trying to get my attention, but instead I yelled at him to get a hold of himself and then walked away. That kid followed me around Target for a good 20 minutes crying and screaming. Have I mentioned that Target is my happy place? He was ruining my happy place! Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I told him to take 2 deep breaths and then to count to 10. He told me he didn't know how to count to 10 (heart melting at that cute little voice) and I told him to count to 5 two times. We took our deep breaths together and then counted to 5 two times. Then I told him to state his case. He told me he really wanted and needed new underwear. I told him that acting like he was would never get him what he wanted and he needed to argue his case if he wanted something, not fall to the ground. After explaining that we went back to where I had taken the underwear out of my cart and picked up the ones he wanted. I know I gave in on those underwear, but I guess I picked my battle. He didn't get tv for the rest of the day, so he did get a punishment, but really anyone who has that big of a fit over underwear really deserves them.
This week is one of the hardest of the year for me. It is the week that Chad hosts a basketball tournament at Canyon and is gone virtually from Monday at 7am to Saturday night around 8:30/9pm. He pops home to sleep and says a quick hi to the boys (and feeds the animals in the morning because I never remember) and then is gone again. Today is day 5 of the tournament. Day 5 is when I have pretty much lost my sanity and my blood pressure is at a constant boil racing through my veins. Today I opened a bottle of wine, even though I don't really drink and wine would never be first on my list of drinks, I thought it would be safer that way.
Of course my children scent a wounded animal like wild animals, so this morning started out with the big 3 playing instead of coming down to eat breakfast, me yelling at them to put shoes on, brush teeth, etc...and coalescing with apple juice being spilled on the floor. After feeling the vein pop out on my forehead we all piled in the car and dropped off Cade and Cam. Have I ever expressed my undying love for Early Bird Preschool drop off? Oh my how I love it and it makes my day so much better. If only I could afford the extra $150 a month to drop my boys off every day early, sigh.
Anyways, after the C's drop off the K's and I went to Target. I needed gift cards for teacher Christmas gifts, stocking stuffers for Chad and surprisingly jeans for Cade because 3 pairs have gone missing. While we were in the boy section I thought I'd be sly and grab underwear and socks for Cam and Kel for their stockings, but Kel wanted his underwear NOW!!!! I thought I'd be smart and say they were for a child that needed them. That's when he threw himself on the ground and started screaming that he needed new underwear.
Now I am one of those annoying moms who totally ignores her screaming child and has been known in the past to completely walk away. Kel once did this in the Walmart produce section. He was on one end and I was on the other getting the fruits I needed when I realized that an older couple were getting the store manager because they thought he was lost. I had to go over and tell them that he was having a tantrum. I am not neglectful, but really what do you do? I was tempted to backhand him when he hit me in the back trying to get my attention, but instead I yelled at him to get a hold of himself and then walked away. That kid followed me around Target for a good 20 minutes crying and screaming. Have I mentioned that Target is my happy place? He was ruining my happy place! Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I told him to take 2 deep breaths and then to count to 10. He told me he didn't know how to count to 10 (heart melting at that cute little voice) and I told him to count to 5 two times. We took our deep breaths together and then counted to 5 two times. Then I told him to state his case. He told me he really wanted and needed new underwear. I told him that acting like he was would never get him what he wanted and he needed to argue his case if he wanted something, not fall to the ground. After explaining that we went back to where I had taken the underwear out of my cart and picked up the ones he wanted. I know I gave in on those underwear, but I guess I picked my battle. He didn't get tv for the rest of the day, so he did get a punishment, but really anyone who has that big of a fit over underwear really deserves them.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Night time
Ah, the night. Before I had kids 7pm on any given night was dinner time, relax time, TV time, reading time or really anytime that wasn't stressful. Now it is the worst part of the night. Already I have struggled through a meal that was hated and a back breaking bath and now it's time for bed.
My boys are like any other kids, they hate going to bed. They want stories, books read, water, snuggles and endless people appear in our prayers. There are nights when I want to pull my hair out because I just want a few moments of peace before I go to bed.
One of our nightly rituals before we go to bed is talking about what we're going to do the next day. I usually do my cheerleader routine to try to get every ones enthusiasm up, "YAY! We have school tomorrow and if you're really good we'll go the market in the afternoon, yippy!" No I'm not kidding I can be quite nauseating at times. This is also the time where the boys will actually divulge details about their day rather than the answer of "I dont' know" when I pick them up from school.
Tonight I had the funniest conversation about what happened in Kellen's class. He said a kid pushed him and hit him. I asked him if he went to the teacher and he said yes, I asked him if he knew the kid's name and he said no, but he was able to tell me that the kid had a really BIG FAT BELLY! Oh my gosh I laughed so hard. I asked him if he thought the kid ate a lot of cookies and McDonald's to get that big fat belly and he agreed. Gosh I love kids. They truly say the funniest things and as Chad likes to say, there is no censor so they're telling it like it is.
My boys are like any other kids, they hate going to bed. They want stories, books read, water, snuggles and endless people appear in our prayers. There are nights when I want to pull my hair out because I just want a few moments of peace before I go to bed.
One of our nightly rituals before we go to bed is talking about what we're going to do the next day. I usually do my cheerleader routine to try to get every ones enthusiasm up, "YAY! We have school tomorrow and if you're really good we'll go the market in the afternoon, yippy!" No I'm not kidding I can be quite nauseating at times. This is also the time where the boys will actually divulge details about their day rather than the answer of "I dont' know" when I pick them up from school.
Tonight I had the funniest conversation about what happened in Kellen's class. He said a kid pushed him and hit him. I asked him if he went to the teacher and he said yes, I asked him if he knew the kid's name and he said no, but he was able to tell me that the kid had a really BIG FAT BELLY! Oh my gosh I laughed so hard. I asked him if he thought the kid ate a lot of cookies and McDonald's to get that big fat belly and he agreed. Gosh I love kids. They truly say the funniest things and as Chad likes to say, there is no censor so they're telling it like it is.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Traditions
As our kids grow older we place more and more emphasis on traditions that we want them to have and pass on to their kids. This year with money is a little tighter we want to make the traditions we love more important because most traditions are about the heart and not the amount in your pocket book.
Today we are going to get our Christmas tree. While we decorate our tree we will be listening to Christmas music, drinking hot chocolate and making rice crispy treats. In the past the first weekend of December would be spent at the hospital Christmas tree lighting, but since Chad has his tie exchange for basketball we go there instead and will drive by the big tree on our way home. To us this year is an important milestone for our kids. Cade is almost 6 and Cam is almost 5 and they are starting to remember past years of fun filled times. Already we have been told that Santa brings 3 presents each, whew because in the past he brought way more, but this year it will definitely be a scaled down version. We look at Christmas lights through out the season, but our big adventure is on Christmas Eve when we're on our way home from Meme and Pop Pop's house and we're trying to get the boys to fall asleep in the car. My personal favorite time is now before the actual day because anticipation is high and there is just an excitement in the air. Merry Christmas.
Today we are going to get our Christmas tree. While we decorate our tree we will be listening to Christmas music, drinking hot chocolate and making rice crispy treats. In the past the first weekend of December would be spent at the hospital Christmas tree lighting, but since Chad has his tie exchange for basketball we go there instead and will drive by the big tree on our way home. To us this year is an important milestone for our kids. Cade is almost 6 and Cam is almost 5 and they are starting to remember past years of fun filled times. Already we have been told that Santa brings 3 presents each, whew because in the past he brought way more, but this year it will definitely be a scaled down version. We look at Christmas lights through out the season, but our big adventure is on Christmas Eve when we're on our way home from Meme and Pop Pop's house and we're trying to get the boys to fall asleep in the car. My personal favorite time is now before the actual day because anticipation is high and there is just an excitement in the air. Merry Christmas.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Bad Haircut
Today I decided I couldn't take the length of my hair anymore and walked myself into Fantastic Sams to get a cut. Now as a rule I never let people at Fantastic Sams or Super Cuts cut my hair because let's face it, those people are not good hair cutters, but I needed a hair cut, I'm unemployed and it's Christmas, so we have no extra money. I thought it would be simple, but I had to open my mouth and mention that I wanted a little layer too. BIG MISTAKE! Never say layers!!!! Needless to say my hair is now pretty much 2 to 3 inches all over my head and I resemble a 50 year old politicians wife. The cut isn't really that bad, it's just not what I wanted. Now instead of crying I laughed. Why, because what else can you do and really it will grow.
When I got home I told Chad I was sorry that my hair looks so horrible and he said it wasn't that bad. Since men in general love long hair this was a big thing from my husband. Of course it was what the boys told me that made all the difference, they think I look like a movie star. Why? No idea, but so nice to hear. I think as a mother you have to roll with so many punches and if you're like me you laugh or clap when something goes wrong to make it less of a big deal, so when it finally happens to you you do the same thing. It has been a great lesson to learn about my self. I may not like my hair and I may buy a couple of hats to hide it for a while, but it will grow and the people who love me still love me, old lady/boy hair cut and all.
When I got home I told Chad I was sorry that my hair looks so horrible and he said it wasn't that bad. Since men in general love long hair this was a big thing from my husband. Of course it was what the boys told me that made all the difference, they think I look like a movie star. Why? No idea, but so nice to hear. I think as a mother you have to roll with so many punches and if you're like me you laugh or clap when something goes wrong to make it less of a big deal, so when it finally happens to you you do the same thing. It has been a great lesson to learn about my self. I may not like my hair and I may buy a couple of hats to hide it for a while, but it will grow and the people who love me still love me, old lady/boy hair cut and all.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
AAaaaahhhhhh
Sometimes it's the saying it takes a village that is truly the measure of a person. I would love a village to help me raise my boys, especially right now when my sanity seems to be at an all time low and I'm struggling non-stop with my boys. The problem of course it that I am a loner at heart and I'm definitely not the type to call for help. I've thought about it a lot and I don't have a lot of close girl friends. I have my friend Gina, who I've known since I was 9 and I have my group of girl friends that I call and shoot the breeze with, but I would never call them if my house burned down. Why is that? Is it the product of socialization or something that is inherently a byproduct of our personalities? My two older boys seem to be like me, neither needing a close friend but Kellen, my #3 has a best friend and talks about him all the time. With this lack of village in my life I need something to change.
The change of course is work. There are a multitude of reasons ranging from needing more money for our family, to needing the security/freedom of making my own wage, but another/bigger part is that I need the social interaction with adults. I am sick of the fighting, the boys against each other and me against them. I am sick of the non-stop messes everywhere. I am sick of making food that is barely touched because everyone is picky and a critique. I want to have one day where everyone is happy, likes each other, loves my food and actually cleans up after themselves with out my having to threaten bodily harm. I know, I'm living in a dream world. These are the reasons I know it's time to get a job outside of my home, because I have reached my breaking point where I yell constantly, cry because I have no more patience and growl. It is the holiday season, but I find every time I get a little bit in the holiday spirit the boys suck it all out of me. So now instead of trying to get my boys to see the religious ramifications of the holiday season I am embracing the marketing of retailers. Yay for Imaginext and Playskool, can't wait to see what Santa brings.
The change of course is work. There are a multitude of reasons ranging from needing more money for our family, to needing the security/freedom of making my own wage, but another/bigger part is that I need the social interaction with adults. I am sick of the fighting, the boys against each other and me against them. I am sick of the non-stop messes everywhere. I am sick of making food that is barely touched because everyone is picky and a critique. I want to have one day where everyone is happy, likes each other, loves my food and actually cleans up after themselves with out my having to threaten bodily harm. I know, I'm living in a dream world. These are the reasons I know it's time to get a job outside of my home, because I have reached my breaking point where I yell constantly, cry because I have no more patience and growl. It is the holiday season, but I find every time I get a little bit in the holiday spirit the boys suck it all out of me. So now instead of trying to get my boys to see the religious ramifications of the holiday season I am embracing the marketing of retailers. Yay for Imaginext and Playskool, can't wait to see what Santa brings.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Striving for Independence
Today is one of those days where I actually have a sore throat from yelling. I know I'm not the only one who has experienced this, but I have to say when you're in the moment it sure feels like it. I'm not saying my kids are horrible, but just tiring.
My biggest headache of the day is my almost 6 year old expressing his independence. Cade seems to think that since he's 'big' he can do way more than a 6 year old should. In the last couple of weeks he has tried my patience with his wandering to get ahead of the pack. Today was no different when he told me he wanted to go check out a tunnel that runs under the street at Old Orchard Park. I told him no, because DUH he can't go walking into a tunnel by a street unsupervised and the other boys were busy so I couldn't go with him. He of course did not listen and I had to leave the three younger boys to go after him. A part of me would like to leave him and show him what I mean, but if something were to happen I would never forgive myself. After screaming at him about what 'monsters' can do to him and how irresponsible it is to run away and have mommy run after him and leave the little boys unsupervised we went back to the park. Now I am stuck with a quandary...how do I let my little independent boy have his independence with out risking his life or his siblings? I try not to be a "helicopter mom", constantly hovering, but I don't want to be neglectful either letting him have too much freedom. Needless to say today was a long day. Thank goodness Cade can be helpful and actually helped Kellen get dressed after his bath tonight. Sometimes my frustrations feel so large and other times the ease and happiness I find with my boys is the best reward.
My biggest headache of the day is my almost 6 year old expressing his independence. Cade seems to think that since he's 'big' he can do way more than a 6 year old should. In the last couple of weeks he has tried my patience with his wandering to get ahead of the pack. Today was no different when he told me he wanted to go check out a tunnel that runs under the street at Old Orchard Park. I told him no, because DUH he can't go walking into a tunnel by a street unsupervised and the other boys were busy so I couldn't go with him. He of course did not listen and I had to leave the three younger boys to go after him. A part of me would like to leave him and show him what I mean, but if something were to happen I would never forgive myself. After screaming at him about what 'monsters' can do to him and how irresponsible it is to run away and have mommy run after him and leave the little boys unsupervised we went back to the park. Now I am stuck with a quandary...how do I let my little independent boy have his independence with out risking his life or his siblings? I try not to be a "helicopter mom", constantly hovering, but I don't want to be neglectful either letting him have too much freedom. Needless to say today was a long day. Thank goodness Cade can be helpful and actually helped Kellen get dressed after his bath tonight. Sometimes my frustrations feel so large and other times the ease and happiness I find with my boys is the best reward.
Time for Exercise??
Before you have kids you go to the gym or do some kind of exercise because you have the time, you care about your looks way more and you want to be fit. After you have kids you care about your looks, but they take second fiddle to everything else; you want to be healthy but you don't have the time to exercise.
I recently went to the doctor and he told me that I needed to start exercising. Since I'm now 31 I figured that's the 'your getting old' speech. I told him that I have no time to exercise, but I think my 4 kids keep me pretty active. The doctor did not agree and instead went on about me staying alive for my kids. Sigh, he just didn't get it. I do not have the time. I am up at 6 every morning, sometimes after my kids, and I go with at least 1 kid until 8 o'clock every night. At 8 I am tired and just want to relax. I know that I am not alone with my lack of time for exercise and this is probably a large part of the obesity that is running rampant across America.
Last night was the first time I have actively exercised in at least 4 years. I don't exercise for a multitude of reasons besides the lack of time, the biggest being that I am so out of shape that to get to a mildly comfortable work out routine would take weeks/months of dedication. I also have really bad knees, so I am limited on what I can physically do. Last night I bit the bullet. My friend Gina had her second child 9 months ago, and though she has lost the weight she is flabby for lack of exercise and wants to get in shape. She works full time, so she is in the same boat at me with lack of time. I met her at 8:15 at COC (our local community college) and ran two laps and walked one before they turned off the stadium lights. Since we were already out and not totally winded we decided to walk the campus a couple of times. All in all we probably completed close to a mile and a half. Yay for me. I do stairs every day, all day long carrying my 32 pound baby, so I'm apparently not as out of shape as I thought. It's not my legs that hurt, but my lungs. Did I smoke a pack yesterday, cause that's what it feels like! I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep up the constant working out, especially with Chad's basketball schedule becoming more demanding in the next two weeks, but for now we are going to try to do this twice a week. If nothing else my ass will be firmer, though maybe I should start lifting weights to get rid of my Oprah arms? Hmm, of course when would I have time?
I recently went to the doctor and he told me that I needed to start exercising. Since I'm now 31 I figured that's the 'your getting old' speech. I told him that I have no time to exercise, but I think my 4 kids keep me pretty active. The doctor did not agree and instead went on about me staying alive for my kids. Sigh, he just didn't get it. I do not have the time. I am up at 6 every morning, sometimes after my kids, and I go with at least 1 kid until 8 o'clock every night. At 8 I am tired and just want to relax. I know that I am not alone with my lack of time for exercise and this is probably a large part of the obesity that is running rampant across America.
Last night was the first time I have actively exercised in at least 4 years. I don't exercise for a multitude of reasons besides the lack of time, the biggest being that I am so out of shape that to get to a mildly comfortable work out routine would take weeks/months of dedication. I also have really bad knees, so I am limited on what I can physically do. Last night I bit the bullet. My friend Gina had her second child 9 months ago, and though she has lost the weight she is flabby for lack of exercise and wants to get in shape. She works full time, so she is in the same boat at me with lack of time. I met her at 8:15 at COC (our local community college) and ran two laps and walked one before they turned off the stadium lights. Since we were already out and not totally winded we decided to walk the campus a couple of times. All in all we probably completed close to a mile and a half. Yay for me. I do stairs every day, all day long carrying my 32 pound baby, so I'm apparently not as out of shape as I thought. It's not my legs that hurt, but my lungs. Did I smoke a pack yesterday, cause that's what it feels like! I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep up the constant working out, especially with Chad's basketball schedule becoming more demanding in the next two weeks, but for now we are going to try to do this twice a week. If nothing else my ass will be firmer, though maybe I should start lifting weights to get rid of my Oprah arms? Hmm, of course when would I have time?
Monday, November 15, 2010
To eat or not to eat...
One of the toughest parts of being a parent is feeding your children. No one ever said how hard it was going to be. It wasn't until Cayden was on solids that I realized I had no idea what to feed him. Since my college days I've always been an easy quesadilla for dinner girl, but now I have to come up with balanced healthy meals and I suck! My kids would rather have chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, but because I know those things are bad for you, at least on a daily basis, I make dinner almost every night. Did I mention that I suck at cooking. If I were to win the lotto having a cook is pretty much at the top of my list of must haves. The only meal that I can do pretty well is breakfast, which incidentally is the one meal I think it gross and usually have a sandwich instead.
I'm one of those freaky moms who likes to make a big breakfast and will make just about anything you want for breakfast because I firmly believe it's the most important meal of the day. This is of course why my boys would rather have cereal. I am convinced that if I never cooked pancakes or homemade waffles they would want them. I try to get them to eat better than cereal at least 2 times a week and even on cereal days we add bananas to have a heavier impact. After lunch I am a waste. Since I'm not a great cook and my husband is not far behind me I struggle everyday to come up with meals that my kids won't totally gag on.
On a daily basis I can hear this from my pickiest eater, Cam, "Mommy! This is not what I ordered!" Yes, that's right apparently I have become a drive thru window for my children. One thing I have learned is that I will not make a couple of different meals for my kids. It's hard enough coming up with something to make them that will result in the least amount of groans and without making multiple meals. I try to always include a vegetable, protein and starch, but I don't always stick to that because it's damn hard. The rule in our house is if you don't eat it the only thing you can have for the rest of the night is an apple. I know a lot of parents (mine included) say no food if you don't eat your dinner. I remember going to bed hungry and all it did was make me feel awful, and I didn't change my attitude to that particular food, so instead we let them have an apple.
There is one good thing about my kids and their picky habits. They LOVE LOVE LOVE fruit and vegetables. On a weekly basis we go through 3 to 4 bunches of bananas, 2 bags of apples, 1 bag of grapes and 1/2 a bag of pears. My boys also love broccoli, carrots (cooked or raw), cauliflower and peas. I think their love of the healthy is my reward for the constant asking for snack foods.
My oldest, Cayden, will eat anything and that old adage about boys eating you out of house and home applies to him. I'm hoping he's just going through a growth spurt, because the amount of food he eats is crazy. The best part about Cade is that he will literally eat anything, so if he complains about being hungry I tell him to eat an apple and he will. Kellen is a lot like Cade, but he doesn't like veggies so getting him to eat them is hard. Luckily he's a big fruit lover. Camden is the exact opposite of Cade.
Cam is super picky. He likes to snack and if it's remotely healthy he doesn't want it. The only stuff he really likes is bananas and broccoli, so we tend to have that a lot. He's also really into yogurt and cheese, so I'm lucky that he can get his vitamins in with the chips, granola bars and cheese and crackers that he's always asking to eat.
I certainly miss the days when it was just myself I had to look out for food wise. A quick quesadilla would make life so much easier. I am told that kids grow out of this stage of pickyness and I can't wait for that to happen. In the meantime when Cade turns 6 in January we are going to have him start making a meal once a week. Obviously I will be helping, but I think it will be good for him to start cooking and getting creative, plus one night easier on me.
I'm one of those freaky moms who likes to make a big breakfast and will make just about anything you want for breakfast because I firmly believe it's the most important meal of the day. This is of course why my boys would rather have cereal. I am convinced that if I never cooked pancakes or homemade waffles they would want them. I try to get them to eat better than cereal at least 2 times a week and even on cereal days we add bananas to have a heavier impact. After lunch I am a waste. Since I'm not a great cook and my husband is not far behind me I struggle everyday to come up with meals that my kids won't totally gag on.
On a daily basis I can hear this from my pickiest eater, Cam, "Mommy! This is not what I ordered!" Yes, that's right apparently I have become a drive thru window for my children. One thing I have learned is that I will not make a couple of different meals for my kids. It's hard enough coming up with something to make them that will result in the least amount of groans and without making multiple meals. I try to always include a vegetable, protein and starch, but I don't always stick to that because it's damn hard. The rule in our house is if you don't eat it the only thing you can have for the rest of the night is an apple. I know a lot of parents (mine included) say no food if you don't eat your dinner. I remember going to bed hungry and all it did was make me feel awful, and I didn't change my attitude to that particular food, so instead we let them have an apple.
There is one good thing about my kids and their picky habits. They LOVE LOVE LOVE fruit and vegetables. On a weekly basis we go through 3 to 4 bunches of bananas, 2 bags of apples, 1 bag of grapes and 1/2 a bag of pears. My boys also love broccoli, carrots (cooked or raw), cauliflower and peas. I think their love of the healthy is my reward for the constant asking for snack foods.
My oldest, Cayden, will eat anything and that old adage about boys eating you out of house and home applies to him. I'm hoping he's just going through a growth spurt, because the amount of food he eats is crazy. The best part about Cade is that he will literally eat anything, so if he complains about being hungry I tell him to eat an apple and he will. Kellen is a lot like Cade, but he doesn't like veggies so getting him to eat them is hard. Luckily he's a big fruit lover. Camden is the exact opposite of Cade.
Cam is super picky. He likes to snack and if it's remotely healthy he doesn't want it. The only stuff he really likes is bananas and broccoli, so we tend to have that a lot. He's also really into yogurt and cheese, so I'm lucky that he can get his vitamins in with the chips, granola bars and cheese and crackers that he's always asking to eat.
I certainly miss the days when it was just myself I had to look out for food wise. A quick quesadilla would make life so much easier. I am told that kids grow out of this stage of pickyness and I can't wait for that to happen. In the meantime when Cade turns 6 in January we are going to have him start making a meal once a week. Obviously I will be helping, but I think it will be good for him to start cooking and getting creative, plus one night easier on me.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Zoo days
Today was a good day. I took the boys to the zoo, our favorite quick play date, and it was perfect. Nothing like living in California in November. A light breeze in the air, temps in the mid 70's and almost no one at the zoo. Today was the first day of the basketball season for Chad. It means late nights, Saturday practices and soon lots and lots of games. We went to the zoo to enjoy a fun time where we weren't on time constraints because of school. The boys had a great time with the exception of Cade's new habit of walking far ahead of us, I had to rein him in and at one point grab his ear to make my point, and Cam had a fit because his shoe just wasn't tight enough, but other than that it was great. It was so nice to see real progress on the new elephant exhibit that's been being built long before I started going to the zoo five years ago and we got a view of Billy the elephant, Kellen's favorite animal, even if it was the rear view. We got to see the hippo up close and personal and the sleeping bear.
The zoo was one of those lazy times with my kids that I enjoy. Everyone mellow, happy and entertained. Even Kolin had fun trying to figure out what the animals were. It's days like today that make being a mom worth all the crappy days when my patience is done and I just want a day off.
The zoo was one of those lazy times with my kids that I enjoy. Everyone mellow, happy and entertained. Even Kolin had fun trying to figure out what the animals were. It's days like today that make being a mom worth all the crappy days when my patience is done and I just want a day off.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Crying...
There are some days when it seems like there is a megaphone of crying going on in my house. If it's not all of the boys it's at least 2 of them and because there is crying by at least one it always escalates into a screaming, crying, bad mood, hitting, biting day. Today is one of those days.
I should have known when I had to deal with Time Warner this morning and they couldn't fix my cable box from India that it was going to go downhill, but I try to be an optimist sometimes. We tried to convince Cam not to go to school today because Cade didn't have to and it would have been a whole lot easier, but alas my little 'smart boy' had to go. After going and getting a new cable box and dropping into the market for weekly supplies of milk, cheese and fruit it was back home. Chad went out for a much needed guys day out and I was home with the 3 boys. Luckily Cade and Kellen tend to play very well together, but Kolin is at that age where he wants to be in every ones business and by in I mean literally sitting in the middle of any game/toy/book. After repeated wrestling matches featuring Cade and Kolin and Kellen and Kolin it was time to pick up Cam. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again but picking up at the preschool is a special kind of torture. The boys run wild while we wait for the teachers to open their doors and let the kids out. Normally I have a stroller to corral Kolin, but I switched cars, so no such luck today. Luckily Kolin fell asleep on the way home and we got a blessed 2 1/2 hours of time without a busy body baby, but there is some kind of radar for kids knowing that nap time is over and it's time to start fighting.
Even before I had gotten Kolin out of his crib Kellen and Camden were fighting over seats on the toy helicopter we have in the back yard, which quickly turned to screams and crying when Cam pinched Kel and Kel retaliated by biting back. Cause biting always fixes the problem, right? In the resulting chaos of crying boys Cade knocked his side into a corner and started crying too and I could hear the hysterical crying from upstairs where the baby wanted to get out. Trying to calm everyone took precious minutes and band aids, but was finally accomplished. Cam walking with a limp, even though the bite was on his scapula, sat and played while I rescued Kolin from his crib. I have heard tell that one of the torture practices used by the military is a baby crying and I have to say that I would divulge military secrets in a second if I had to hear a baby crying. It literally drives me batty and I start to lose it. Everyone was in a yucky mood at this point, so I decided to torture us all by going to get Kel a hair cut. What can I say I'm a masochist.
The good part was the change of scenery really helped. The boys were great at the hair cut place and we walked to Block Buster so everyone could pick out a movie. We even rented Santa Clause, even though we have it somewhere in our house, so that we could start getting into the Christmas spirit. The middle of my day was a tense standoff with mommy and the boys against each other. Luckily I have been doing this long enough to know that you have to get out, even if it's just a drive it helps.
I should have known when I had to deal with Time Warner this morning and they couldn't fix my cable box from India that it was going to go downhill, but I try to be an optimist sometimes. We tried to convince Cam not to go to school today because Cade didn't have to and it would have been a whole lot easier, but alas my little 'smart boy' had to go. After going and getting a new cable box and dropping into the market for weekly supplies of milk, cheese and fruit it was back home. Chad went out for a much needed guys day out and I was home with the 3 boys. Luckily Cade and Kellen tend to play very well together, but Kolin is at that age where he wants to be in every ones business and by in I mean literally sitting in the middle of any game/toy/book. After repeated wrestling matches featuring Cade and Kolin and Kellen and Kolin it was time to pick up Cam. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again but picking up at the preschool is a special kind of torture. The boys run wild while we wait for the teachers to open their doors and let the kids out. Normally I have a stroller to corral Kolin, but I switched cars, so no such luck today. Luckily Kolin fell asleep on the way home and we got a blessed 2 1/2 hours of time without a busy body baby, but there is some kind of radar for kids knowing that nap time is over and it's time to start fighting.
Even before I had gotten Kolin out of his crib Kellen and Camden were fighting over seats on the toy helicopter we have in the back yard, which quickly turned to screams and crying when Cam pinched Kel and Kel retaliated by biting back. Cause biting always fixes the problem, right? In the resulting chaos of crying boys Cade knocked his side into a corner and started crying too and I could hear the hysterical crying from upstairs where the baby wanted to get out. Trying to calm everyone took precious minutes and band aids, but was finally accomplished. Cam walking with a limp, even though the bite was on his scapula, sat and played while I rescued Kolin from his crib. I have heard tell that one of the torture practices used by the military is a baby crying and I have to say that I would divulge military secrets in a second if I had to hear a baby crying. It literally drives me batty and I start to lose it. Everyone was in a yucky mood at this point, so I decided to torture us all by going to get Kel a hair cut. What can I say I'm a masochist.
The good part was the change of scenery really helped. The boys were great at the hair cut place and we walked to Block Buster so everyone could pick out a movie. We even rented Santa Clause, even though we have it somewhere in our house, so that we could start getting into the Christmas spirit. The middle of my day was a tense standoff with mommy and the boys against each other. Luckily I have been doing this long enough to know that you have to get out, even if it's just a drive it helps.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Too Smart?
I have one little boy that we refer to as the smart one. All of my boys are smart, but Camden seems to be beyond. Since he could talk he wanted to be a veterinarian and now that he is older has narrowed down his specialty to discovering new species of animals around the world. He's not the cuddle the cat or dog kid, but the how does the cat/dog walk with it's legs this way. He's smart. I didn't understand the 'Why kid' until I got one, you know the one who asks continuous questions all the time and you just want to shout "give me 5 minutes of silence". That's Cam. Unfortunately smart doesn't mean perfect.
When I say too smart Cam is my trouble kid. Normally you would think a smart kid would be buried in a book, which he does do a lot, but he's also the kid that stole from Walmart and Block Buster because he wanted it and no one caught him. He's the one who makes fun of his little brothers grey tooth, even though he's the one who hit him in the mouth and gave him the grey tooth. This weekend Cam decided that he didn't want to walk the 5 feet to the bathroom, which is right next to his room, to go, but instead just peed on his carpet! He weighs the consequences for his actions and then calculates the risk. He is the hardest child I have. Sometimes I refer to Cam as "devil child", but what I really mean is the little boy that pushes all my buttons and constantly questions and tests me. Cam used to lie, but after one too many bouts with soap in his mouth he learned it wasn't worth it. I worry about what the future will bring for my smart boy. I try to keep him occupied, but preschool is not enough for him and unfortunately he's not old enough for Kindergarten. For me it's a constant struggle to teach him the social taboos, mores and morals of our society and I am beginning to realize that of all my boys he needs them the most, because I think that smart kids forget the boundaries to get to their goals and it's up to the parents to keep reminding them that their actions have reactions.
When I say too smart Cam is my trouble kid. Normally you would think a smart kid would be buried in a book, which he does do a lot, but he's also the kid that stole from Walmart and Block Buster because he wanted it and no one caught him. He's the one who makes fun of his little brothers grey tooth, even though he's the one who hit him in the mouth and gave him the grey tooth. This weekend Cam decided that he didn't want to walk the 5 feet to the bathroom, which is right next to his room, to go, but instead just peed on his carpet! He weighs the consequences for his actions and then calculates the risk. He is the hardest child I have. Sometimes I refer to Cam as "devil child", but what I really mean is the little boy that pushes all my buttons and constantly questions and tests me. Cam used to lie, but after one too many bouts with soap in his mouth he learned it wasn't worth it. I worry about what the future will bring for my smart boy. I try to keep him occupied, but preschool is not enough for him and unfortunately he's not old enough for Kindergarten. For me it's a constant struggle to teach him the social taboos, mores and morals of our society and I am beginning to realize that of all my boys he needs them the most, because I think that smart kids forget the boundaries to get to their goals and it's up to the parents to keep reminding them that their actions have reactions.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
My partner, my rock.
Today I got to meet up with my good friend Jamie, whom I get to see once a year. She's one of those friends that you don't get to talk to enough, but when you do it's like you were never apart. She just gets it and always will and it's so nice to be with her. We caught up on our lives and she asked me how Chad and I were doing. I didn't have to think about it because I know how we are, strong. Though our life is chaos, we're struggling financially and there are days I think I'm going insane he is my rock They say that 7 years is the year you get an itch. Now I'm not denying an itch, but it isn't for a new partner. A new job, a new house maybe, but definitely not a new partner. Why? Because my partner has been there through every bad thing and good thing that has happened in my life and every time there is a bad, tough, hard, sad moment we grow stronger together. I guess that's how you know when you've met your perfect partner because they aren't there just for the good times, but for the bad. They make you think and try harder and strive for excellence. They know your boundaries and they want you to test them and to achieve all that you can.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
To Drink or Not to Drink
There are reasons I don't drink, one is that my mother and my husbands mother were both alcoholics and if you've ever known one it's enough to stop you from ever wanting to consume alcohol. Another reason is that it just doesn't make me feel good. It's not the giggling that comes over me that bothers me, but the horrible heart burn, sigh we can't all have good constitutions. The last reason I don't really drink is because I'm afraid that if I started I wouldn't want to stop because some days are really bad and why temp my self with it. That being said, I do drink occasionally. I'm not a totally sober person, but if you'll notice rarely do I go over my 1 margarita limit. Also, my comments about my children leading me to drink or me needing a drink don't ever pan out, they are just comments. Today would have been a drinking day if I was a drinker.
It started out with my period starting, but not until I had done all the morning stuff and had to run back upstairs. Why couldn't it have started before I went down stairs so I was prepared? As I'm trying to deal with myself Kolin comes in trying once again to be attached to my leg (obviously not convenient), Cayden comes running into the bathroom playing chase, quickly followed by Camden and Kellen. HELLO A LITTLE PRIVACY PLEASE! After screaming at the little munchkins to get the hell out I quickly ran down stairs and off to school we went.
After unloading Cayden and Kellen at school Kolin and Camden and I were on our way to Walmart. I absolutely hate Walmart with all of my heart. If I could never go to Walmart again it would be too soon, but I also refuse to spend money on food that I could get half the price at Walmart, so once a week I torture myself with that horrible store. My little guy Cam was a precious gem there, and since he turned 3 those are few and far between. Kolin on the other hand has become a demon child and though he is cute and that saves him on more than one occasion, today he was at his limit. For every thing that I put in my cart he either chewed it or threw it out of the cart or both. That child had a death wish! After the torture session that I call Walmart and now the joys of going with my 16 month old we hurried on back home to unload and get Kol down for a nap before we had to be at the preschool for the annual Halloween parade. Have I mentioned that there are two times of the year that drive me crazy...Halloween and Mother's Day. Why? Because it seems like an endless amount of time running around to every one's classroom with no rest for mommy and lots of stress coordinating kids. Anyways, back to my day... car unloaded, Kol screaming, but eventually taking a 30 min nap, dishes done, laundry done, beds made, towels folded and we're off to the parade.
Corralling Cam and Kol is not easy, but with a little help from my umbrella stroller it was done. It starts and there is Kellen in his cute Superman costume strutting his stuff for the crowd. After multiple circuits so that everyone could get all angles of pictures it's race to the front of the school so we can get in line for a cookie before it gets too long. Everyone grabs a cookie and we're on our way to pick up Cayden, crap I'm out of gas, quick detour and back in time to wait 20 minutes for Cayden to get out of school.
Ah rest time. This is my time. My kids go to their room and rest, play, read, watch a movie...I don't care, just be quite so Kolin can sleep and let mommy get what mommy needs to get done. I swept and mopped the floor and finally got something to eat. I read for about 30 minutes and was finally in a good place after the crazy, stressful, hectic day. I made the decision that I really needed my car washed and even though I just did not want to do it (like when you're sick and don't want to get out of bed but a shower will make you feel better) I took the boys to the Express car wash. I must admit I do feel better getting my car washed, even if it was just the outside. We did a quick detour to Bath and Body Works without a fight to get some soap for my kitchen and because my boys were soooo good for that hour we got pizza for dinner. And then it went down hill again.
Rush to eat, rush to get ready for soccer, why must I ask you to put your uniform on 5 times? Rush to get everyone loaded in the car with bottles of water and everyone having gone to the bathroom. Rush to get across town so I can get there early enough not to have to park too far away. Everyone out with 15 min to spare. Oh shit, I forgot half of the juices for soccer snack, gggrrrrr. Haul chair, snack, baby, water and 3 big boys across the gigantic field to wait. This was when I needed that margarita. This is why I don't drink because that margarita would have made me a sloppy crying drunk rather than a happy giggling one because my day was shitty with a little bit of calm happiness on the side. I don't do well with soccer on Thursday nights and I'm saying it right now, it's never happening again. I can do practice, but you will never see a Phillips at a Thursday night soccer game because it's too late, dinner time, bath time, long day crap and I'm NOT doing it again. Cheers.
It started out with my period starting, but not until I had done all the morning stuff and had to run back upstairs. Why couldn't it have started before I went down stairs so I was prepared? As I'm trying to deal with myself Kolin comes in trying once again to be attached to my leg (obviously not convenient), Cayden comes running into the bathroom playing chase, quickly followed by Camden and Kellen. HELLO A LITTLE PRIVACY PLEASE! After screaming at the little munchkins to get the hell out I quickly ran down stairs and off to school we went.
After unloading Cayden and Kellen at school Kolin and Camden and I were on our way to Walmart. I absolutely hate Walmart with all of my heart. If I could never go to Walmart again it would be too soon, but I also refuse to spend money on food that I could get half the price at Walmart, so once a week I torture myself with that horrible store. My little guy Cam was a precious gem there, and since he turned 3 those are few and far between. Kolin on the other hand has become a demon child and though he is cute and that saves him on more than one occasion, today he was at his limit. For every thing that I put in my cart he either chewed it or threw it out of the cart or both. That child had a death wish! After the torture session that I call Walmart and now the joys of going with my 16 month old we hurried on back home to unload and get Kol down for a nap before we had to be at the preschool for the annual Halloween parade. Have I mentioned that there are two times of the year that drive me crazy...Halloween and Mother's Day. Why? Because it seems like an endless amount of time running around to every one's classroom with no rest for mommy and lots of stress coordinating kids. Anyways, back to my day... car unloaded, Kol screaming, but eventually taking a 30 min nap, dishes done, laundry done, beds made, towels folded and we're off to the parade.
Corralling Cam and Kol is not easy, but with a little help from my umbrella stroller it was done. It starts and there is Kellen in his cute Superman costume strutting his stuff for the crowd. After multiple circuits so that everyone could get all angles of pictures it's race to the front of the school so we can get in line for a cookie before it gets too long. Everyone grabs a cookie and we're on our way to pick up Cayden, crap I'm out of gas, quick detour and back in time to wait 20 minutes for Cayden to get out of school.
Ah rest time. This is my time. My kids go to their room and rest, play, read, watch a movie...I don't care, just be quite so Kolin can sleep and let mommy get what mommy needs to get done. I swept and mopped the floor and finally got something to eat. I read for about 30 minutes and was finally in a good place after the crazy, stressful, hectic day. I made the decision that I really needed my car washed and even though I just did not want to do it (like when you're sick and don't want to get out of bed but a shower will make you feel better) I took the boys to the Express car wash. I must admit I do feel better getting my car washed, even if it was just the outside. We did a quick detour to Bath and Body Works without a fight to get some soap for my kitchen and because my boys were soooo good for that hour we got pizza for dinner. And then it went down hill again.
Rush to eat, rush to get ready for soccer, why must I ask you to put your uniform on 5 times? Rush to get everyone loaded in the car with bottles of water and everyone having gone to the bathroom. Rush to get across town so I can get there early enough not to have to park too far away. Everyone out with 15 min to spare. Oh shit, I forgot half of the juices for soccer snack, gggrrrrr. Haul chair, snack, baby, water and 3 big boys across the gigantic field to wait. This was when I needed that margarita. This is why I don't drink because that margarita would have made me a sloppy crying drunk rather than a happy giggling one because my day was shitty with a little bit of calm happiness on the side. I don't do well with soccer on Thursday nights and I'm saying it right now, it's never happening again. I can do practice, but you will never see a Phillips at a Thursday night soccer game because it's too late, dinner time, bath time, long day crap and I'm NOT doing it again. Cheers.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sitting or Standing
In our house we have a rule...if you can't pee standing up without peeing all over the place, you sit. At times I've even given my husband this mantra because in the middle of the night we sometimes miss. I'll admit it now; I am an anal retentive clean person, and I like my house clean or at least as clean as 4 little boys, 2 cats, 1 dog and a husband can make it. So...when I went looking for my AWOL 16 month old yesterday morning before school started, and found him trying to sip pee water with a straw out of the downstairs toilet I might have lost my skittles a little.
Rewind 10 minutes earlier...the boys are eating their breakfast, suddenly Cam has to pee. While yelling pee pee as he runs across the house towards the bathroom I am finishing getting snacks ready for the day, and trying to peel Kolin off of my leg where he is now continually attached. After giving Kolin a straw to entertain himself ,so I could finish getting every ones backpacks ready to go, I start yelling for everyone to brush their teeth. Where did Kolin go? I walk by the darkened doorway to the bathroom and realize that it should be closed. Kolin has a little problem with being in the bathroom alone (ie: he loves toilets, toilet cleaner, plungers, etc...). At first is seems empty until I turn on the light and look around the door.
There is my baby swishing his straw around the toilet water that happens to be yellow. That's when I notice that not only is the toilet not flushed, but the lid and seat are also up. WTF! With multiple animals in the house and a baby the #1 rule is to put the lid down. That doesn't even touch on the fact that the boys are not allowed to stand because they can't seem to aim right and no amount of trees can teach them.
As the boys start to file into the bathroom I'm yelling at Cam about sitting, not standing, putting down toilet seats and flushing the toilet (which is Cam's trade mark). I start handing out tooth brushes when I notice that the boys are making dirty foot prints because there is water on the ground. Wait. What? No, not water, pee. Not only did Cam not flush, leave seats up and stand, but he also peed all over the ground. I actually felt the vein pop out on my forehead and my head may have spun around once. As I asked Cam "Why!?" he looked me in the eye and said "because I wanted to". Ah, yes, that is what my wonderfully smart 4 year old thinks of most of the things that he does in his life. Poor soul has a lot to learn.
Rewind 10 minutes earlier...the boys are eating their breakfast, suddenly Cam has to pee. While yelling pee pee as he runs across the house towards the bathroom I am finishing getting snacks ready for the day, and trying to peel Kolin off of my leg where he is now continually attached. After giving Kolin a straw to entertain himself ,so I could finish getting every ones backpacks ready to go, I start yelling for everyone to brush their teeth. Where did Kolin go? I walk by the darkened doorway to the bathroom and realize that it should be closed. Kolin has a little problem with being in the bathroom alone (ie: he loves toilets, toilet cleaner, plungers, etc...). At first is seems empty until I turn on the light and look around the door.
There is my baby swishing his straw around the toilet water that happens to be yellow. That's when I notice that not only is the toilet not flushed, but the lid and seat are also up. WTF! With multiple animals in the house and a baby the #1 rule is to put the lid down. That doesn't even touch on the fact that the boys are not allowed to stand because they can't seem to aim right and no amount of trees can teach them.
As the boys start to file into the bathroom I'm yelling at Cam about sitting, not standing, putting down toilet seats and flushing the toilet (which is Cam's trade mark). I start handing out tooth brushes when I notice that the boys are making dirty foot prints because there is water on the ground. Wait. What? No, not water, pee. Not only did Cam not flush, leave seats up and stand, but he also peed all over the ground. I actually felt the vein pop out on my forehead and my head may have spun around once. As I asked Cam "Why!?" he looked me in the eye and said "because I wanted to". Ah, yes, that is what my wonderfully smart 4 year old thinks of most of the things that he does in his life. Poor soul has a lot to learn.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The Terribles
Before I had kids I could not grasp what Terrible Two's and Three's were. Sure I had heard of them, who hasn't, but I had no idea what it entailed. To me it just meant inappropriate tantrums in public. I miss the blissful ignorance. At that time I knew that when it happened to my children I would handle it better than all those mothers I have seen in the past. Sometimes I think I do better and sometimes I think I do worse, I guess that's what learning as we go is all about.
With my fist son, Cade, he started acting up at 11 months. I took him to the doctor convinced it was because he was sick. Nope, I just got an early bloomer. It seems to be that the earlier they start the longer it lasts and his lasted till 3 1/2. Now if anyone knows me by 3 1/2 I had 3 kids and dealing with a Terrible child was a lot to handle. I thought I was lucky too because Cam, my two year old, didn't seem to be showing any signs of the Terribles. I would actually brag and tell everyone that he was my angel child. I still feel to this day a sense of loss wondering where my angel went to because Cam was a Terrible 3 child.
Now let me differentiate between Terrible 2 and Terrible 3. The Terrible 2's start early, so more accurately they should be named the Terrible 1's. These are the tantrums you tend to see in public. There is no reason to them and the best thing to do is let them do it and walk away while they are having them. You can't reason with them, so nothing you say is getting to their little brains. I was lucky to get 3 Terrible 2 children. Yes, lucky. The Terrible 3's are like watching Linda Blair in Exorcist. Your baby was so sweet and easy and then the devil takes over. They tell you that they hate you, don't love you, want to live with another family, roll their eyes, give attitude, talk back, lie and steal. I'm sure there are more, but this is what I have had.
My sweet baby Cam is a Terrible 3 and still going. He has been possessed and almost everyday I ask him when is the angel coming back. He cries and has tantrums, but 3 year olds can process and use their brains, so their tantrums are about the hurts that they feel you have done to them. It's like having a pubescent teenager. Gaw, I hope this is it and I don't have a crazy teen too, because I might have to move out. There is an end to the horror. Cam is starting to show signs of his former sweet self, though he still tries to lie and steal (don't get me started on the Walmart incident) he's become more honest and admits to it. That could have something to do with his punishments being a lot less severe when he tells us the truth. He also still has tantrums, but they don't last as long and he's easier to talk down before it gets too bad. Since he's 4 1/2 I'm hoping by Christmas it will be better.
As for Kellen he has been a Terrible 2 child and is already starting to come out of it. He'll be 3 1/2 in January and I'm guessing it will be so much better by then. He was also a pretty good Terrible 2. He started right before Kolin was born and I feared a new baby and a Terrible. Maybe it's my experience with dealing with two Terrible kids already, but I really think his personality as a lover has helped him get through his Terribles better an any of the rest of my kids. Kellen wants to love people and be happy. He loves hugs and kisses and is such a cuddle bug. Even when he is having a tantrum he wants to be held.
Where Kolin is concerned he is a Terrible 2 also, but he is a exact replica of Cade the only difference is his height and weight. If you've ever had a 30 pound, 33 inch baby throw themselves backwards while you're holding them it can get dangerous. I have had more hurt noses and fat lips with Kolin then all my others combined. I must say I am not looking forward to the next 2 years of his fits, but anything beats a Terrible 3.
With my fist son, Cade, he started acting up at 11 months. I took him to the doctor convinced it was because he was sick. Nope, I just got an early bloomer. It seems to be that the earlier they start the longer it lasts and his lasted till 3 1/2. Now if anyone knows me by 3 1/2 I had 3 kids and dealing with a Terrible child was a lot to handle. I thought I was lucky too because Cam, my two year old, didn't seem to be showing any signs of the Terribles. I would actually brag and tell everyone that he was my angel child. I still feel to this day a sense of loss wondering where my angel went to because Cam was a Terrible 3 child.
Now let me differentiate between Terrible 2 and Terrible 3. The Terrible 2's start early, so more accurately they should be named the Terrible 1's. These are the tantrums you tend to see in public. There is no reason to them and the best thing to do is let them do it and walk away while they are having them. You can't reason with them, so nothing you say is getting to their little brains. I was lucky to get 3 Terrible 2 children. Yes, lucky. The Terrible 3's are like watching Linda Blair in Exorcist. Your baby was so sweet and easy and then the devil takes over. They tell you that they hate you, don't love you, want to live with another family, roll their eyes, give attitude, talk back, lie and steal. I'm sure there are more, but this is what I have had.
My sweet baby Cam is a Terrible 3 and still going. He has been possessed and almost everyday I ask him when is the angel coming back. He cries and has tantrums, but 3 year olds can process and use their brains, so their tantrums are about the hurts that they feel you have done to them. It's like having a pubescent teenager. Gaw, I hope this is it and I don't have a crazy teen too, because I might have to move out. There is an end to the horror. Cam is starting to show signs of his former sweet self, though he still tries to lie and steal (don't get me started on the Walmart incident) he's become more honest and admits to it. That could have something to do with his punishments being a lot less severe when he tells us the truth. He also still has tantrums, but they don't last as long and he's easier to talk down before it gets too bad. Since he's 4 1/2 I'm hoping by Christmas it will be better.
As for Kellen he has been a Terrible 2 child and is already starting to come out of it. He'll be 3 1/2 in January and I'm guessing it will be so much better by then. He was also a pretty good Terrible 2. He started right before Kolin was born and I feared a new baby and a Terrible. Maybe it's my experience with dealing with two Terrible kids already, but I really think his personality as a lover has helped him get through his Terribles better an any of the rest of my kids. Kellen wants to love people and be happy. He loves hugs and kisses and is such a cuddle bug. Even when he is having a tantrum he wants to be held.
Where Kolin is concerned he is a Terrible 2 also, but he is a exact replica of Cade the only difference is his height and weight. If you've ever had a 30 pound, 33 inch baby throw themselves backwards while you're holding them it can get dangerous. I have had more hurt noses and fat lips with Kolin then all my others combined. I must say I am not looking forward to the next 2 years of his fits, but anything beats a Terrible 3.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Morning Hell
Every morning I try to wake my kids up with a song. It's usually "Good Morning, Good Mmoorrnninggg", but it's something catchy and cheery because to me mornings mean new beginnings, fresh slate and overall happiness because nothing has happened to make the day a bad one. Unfortunately I think I'm the only one in my house who fully grasps this concept and Cade is my anti-happy morning boy.
Because of time constraints we have a rule that you must be dressed, including shoes and jackets before you can come down for breakfast. This week the boys have been lax in that attitude and no amount of yelling seems to get the point across. This morning was no exception, except that it was Cade not fully dressed for his day. After telling him at least a dozen times to get a move on, get upstairs for shoes and jacket and then in the bathroom to brush his teeth we were on the one minute countdown to load the car. I told Cade if he didn't have what he needed he was going as is.
Like all moms, I hate the thought of having my son go to school not fully dressed or teeth not brushed, but I had to make my point. Finally I said time was up, we all loaded into the car and Cade came running with shoes in hand. I told him he better get them on his feet in the car or else he was getting out with no shoes on. It's about a 2 minute ride to school and when we pulled up he had only gotten one shoe on. Putting my foot down, he unloaded in the drive through carrying one shoe, no jacket and his back pack.
I feel like the worst mother ever, but if this one day brings a life time of lessons isn't it worth it? I absolutely detest lateness. I am forever early or on time and I want my kids to be that way too. Part of being on time is being fully ready and I'm crossing my fingers that Cade will learn that being at school on time wasn't the whole sch bang.
Because of time constraints we have a rule that you must be dressed, including shoes and jackets before you can come down for breakfast. This week the boys have been lax in that attitude and no amount of yelling seems to get the point across. This morning was no exception, except that it was Cade not fully dressed for his day. After telling him at least a dozen times to get a move on, get upstairs for shoes and jacket and then in the bathroom to brush his teeth we were on the one minute countdown to load the car. I told Cade if he didn't have what he needed he was going as is.
Like all moms, I hate the thought of having my son go to school not fully dressed or teeth not brushed, but I had to make my point. Finally I said time was up, we all loaded into the car and Cade came running with shoes in hand. I told him he better get them on his feet in the car or else he was getting out with no shoes on. It's about a 2 minute ride to school and when we pulled up he had only gotten one shoe on. Putting my foot down, he unloaded in the drive through carrying one shoe, no jacket and his back pack.
I feel like the worst mother ever, but if this one day brings a life time of lessons isn't it worth it? I absolutely detest lateness. I am forever early or on time and I want my kids to be that way too. Part of being on time is being fully ready and I'm crossing my fingers that Cade will learn that being at school on time wasn't the whole sch bang.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Reality
I started this blog with the thought of selling it one day and making money, so that our super tight budget might actually get a break. Then I got a reality check from my mother-in-law. It wasn't harsh it was just the truth, I need to be funny to sell myself and while my blog is nice it's not really funny. A lot of the time I like to make fun of the sad, annoying, painful situations in my life, so here is goes....
Every morning Chad and I start our day running. The alarm goes off and we run to the shower, then get dressed fast and at this point with at least one child circling us. We run to get our kids dressed for their days and then we run down stairs to get breakfast ready, eaten, teeth brushed, snacks packed and back packs ready for the day. By 7:34 Chad has been gone for 1/2 an hour and I am starting the 10 minute load into the car, because God knows it takes at least 10 minutes to get 5 of us in the car and buckled. It's not even that I have to buckle all 4 kids it just takes that long to get them to move themselves into the car. Kolin can't buckle of course and he has now started a campaign to sit in the middle seat in the third row of our van with out a car seat. I get it, he just wants to sit with his bros, but physically it's a bitch to get him from the middle third row to the right second row. Then there is Kellen who refuses to buckle himself. Some days he's "3" and a big boy, so he can do it but most of the time he's a baby and needs mommy.
Once we drop Cade off at school we come home and that's when my day takes a dramatic drop in activity. Now we wait. Cam or Kel, depending on the day, don't start school till 9, so we normally watch The Cat in the Hat and Martha on PBS. Of course as of this morning that's going to change since our downstairs tv died.
So this morning with the light drizzle coming down and no tv my kids blew up the house and terrorized all until it was time to once again load the car to take (today) Cam to school. Since I used to work at the preschool that the boys go to I'm pretty close with everyone, especially Tracy in the church office. We usually check in daily with her as part of our daily routine, even if it just means yelling hi. This morning while scrambling to stay warm and say hi Cam decided to bite Kel on the butt. REALLY! Was that really necessary? Of course at the time I didn't realize how bad the bite was or I would have been in the church bathroom putting soap in his mouth. After leaving the office we ran (because boys don't walk) to Cam's classroom where Kellen fell in a puddle. I handed Cam off to his awesome teacher and rushed home to get Kel out of his wet clothes. Then we have two and a half hours till we pick up Cade. After putting Kolin down for a nap, doing the dishes, and coloring with Kellen I made sure he didn't have to pee and then off we were again to get Cade. Of course life is never easy and we have to wait AGAIN for Cam to get out at 12, thank God for DVD players in cars.
Since preschool has started I have learned to wait in the car until the absolute last minute because my children see the courtyard at St. Stephen's and they are suddenly possessed and can't listen. They run amok, they almost take adults out with their zeal to play. Today was no different even though I spend a large amount of time telling my kids to stop running around and just stay near me, while trying to hang onto a squirming 30 pound 15 month old. And that is of course when Kellen decided that he needed to pee, but instead of getting me to take him to the bathroom he just whipped it out in the middle of the courtyard. With the many 1 kid parents looking on with disdain I told him to put it away. At that moment I wanted to laugh and cry because I'm sure I looked like that mom who can't control her kids, but really 4 boys is crazy and this was a small smudge in my day. So yes I was bothered by those bitchy moms who judge, but really it was funny and I am smart enough to get it.
Every morning Chad and I start our day running. The alarm goes off and we run to the shower, then get dressed fast and at this point with at least one child circling us. We run to get our kids dressed for their days and then we run down stairs to get breakfast ready, eaten, teeth brushed, snacks packed and back packs ready for the day. By 7:34 Chad has been gone for 1/2 an hour and I am starting the 10 minute load into the car, because God knows it takes at least 10 minutes to get 5 of us in the car and buckled. It's not even that I have to buckle all 4 kids it just takes that long to get them to move themselves into the car. Kolin can't buckle of course and he has now started a campaign to sit in the middle seat in the third row of our van with out a car seat. I get it, he just wants to sit with his bros, but physically it's a bitch to get him from the middle third row to the right second row. Then there is Kellen who refuses to buckle himself. Some days he's "3" and a big boy, so he can do it but most of the time he's a baby and needs mommy.
Once we drop Cade off at school we come home and that's when my day takes a dramatic drop in activity. Now we wait. Cam or Kel, depending on the day, don't start school till 9, so we normally watch The Cat in the Hat and Martha on PBS. Of course as of this morning that's going to change since our downstairs tv died.
So this morning with the light drizzle coming down and no tv my kids blew up the house and terrorized all until it was time to once again load the car to take (today) Cam to school. Since I used to work at the preschool that the boys go to I'm pretty close with everyone, especially Tracy in the church office. We usually check in daily with her as part of our daily routine, even if it just means yelling hi. This morning while scrambling to stay warm and say hi Cam decided to bite Kel on the butt. REALLY! Was that really necessary? Of course at the time I didn't realize how bad the bite was or I would have been in the church bathroom putting soap in his mouth. After leaving the office we ran (because boys don't walk) to Cam's classroom where Kellen fell in a puddle. I handed Cam off to his awesome teacher and rushed home to get Kel out of his wet clothes. Then we have two and a half hours till we pick up Cade. After putting Kolin down for a nap, doing the dishes, and coloring with Kellen I made sure he didn't have to pee and then off we were again to get Cade. Of course life is never easy and we have to wait AGAIN for Cam to get out at 12, thank God for DVD players in cars.
Since preschool has started I have learned to wait in the car until the absolute last minute because my children see the courtyard at St. Stephen's and they are suddenly possessed and can't listen. They run amok, they almost take adults out with their zeal to play. Today was no different even though I spend a large amount of time telling my kids to stop running around and just stay near me, while trying to hang onto a squirming 30 pound 15 month old. And that is of course when Kellen decided that he needed to pee, but instead of getting me to take him to the bathroom he just whipped it out in the middle of the courtyard. With the many 1 kid parents looking on with disdain I told him to put it away. At that moment I wanted to laugh and cry because I'm sure I looked like that mom who can't control her kids, but really 4 boys is crazy and this was a small smudge in my day. So yes I was bothered by those bitchy moms who judge, but really it was funny and I am smart enough to get it.
Biting
This morning my wonderful 4 year old, Cam, decided that he did not like where his younger brother was sitting, so he bit him. I thought I was done with the biting phase of my children's lives, but like everything it seems there are years that are harder than others. Now Cam seems to be going back to biting to express his emotions and Kolin is starting to bite as he teeth's. Cam was a biter when he was little, but with a little help from my pediatrician we quickly resolved that problem. How? When I was at my wits end trying to figure out how to stop a biter from biting I went in to see my doctor and he said to flick him in the mouth when he bit. I was shocked to say the least. I said, "isn't that child abuse?", but he said it's quick, easy, effective and a lot safer than other methods parents use. Sure enough it worked, about 3 flicks later and he never bit again, except for the occasional bites he gives his brothers when he's really mad.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Boys Versus Girls
Recently my 4 year old started Pre-K preschool and made a fast friendship with a little girl. They have been attached at the hip since their first day of school and until this week have had a great relationship. As girls are won't to do she found another boy to be friends with and has left my baby in the dust. He of course does not understand what happened and why and as the mama bear I am furious that my baby's feeling are hurt. How would you react in this situation? My first instinct was to bad mouth that little girl who hurt Cam, but then I realized the best reaction would be to tell him that there are more friends in this world. Of course I also added that making a friend that was a boy would be better too, because afterall boys are way less drama then girls.
Initially when this happened I posted it on Facebook because that's what I do. I tell my friends what happens in my day like so many and they help me through it with their funny comments. The best comments back were that that's what girls do. I laughed that so many agreed with me, but I have to say I'm equally upset that this is the beginning of a long journey of heartache for my boys. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to be the best mother in law, because NO girl is going to be good enough.
Initially when this happened I posted it on Facebook because that's what I do. I tell my friends what happens in my day like so many and they help me through it with their funny comments. The best comments back were that that's what girls do. I laughed that so many agreed with me, but I have to say I'm equally upset that this is the beginning of a long journey of heartache for my boys. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to be the best mother in law, because NO girl is going to be good enough.
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