School Dilema

   As a parent I try not to be prejudice and to teach my children not to be prejudice, but lately I am noticing that Cade has segregated himself in his own classroom.  For some background...last year at this time I struggled for months on if I was going to have Cade go to Peachland because they bus most of the student population in from off of Newhall Avenue.  At the time my main worry was that Cade would be in a slower class because they teach to the class and if the class was not up to the academic level everyone would be going slower until they were.  Now it's not so much of a problem in Kindergarten, but as new students come in and the higher grade level it could be.  I had heard a few parents tell me that friends had pulled their kids out of Peachland's upper levels (5th and 6th grade) because of trouble at school with being picked on, but that was not as much of a concern for me.  After talking to many and deciding that not only is Newhall School Districts API scores the best in the valley, but because of the many lower income students Peachland is a title one school thus affording them more money for newer technology (like smart boards) and the plain fact that being exposed to different cultures would be good for my boys we decided to leave Cade in Peachland. 
   As the year began I thought I had made the right choice.  He has 2 hours with his teacher and 14 other students in the morning and then the late bird students come in for the last 1 and 1/2 hours of school with a class total at that time of 31.  His teacher is highly educated and even went to Mexico a couple of years ago so she could learn the language.  She has 2 Master degrees and has a special ed son, so she has the perfect personality and know how on how to deal with any kind of student she gets.  He loves his class and his teacher and even though I didn't see a lot of advancement towards reading my weekly volunteering visits have been both fun and informative for me.  My only concern since school started has been friends.  Cade has 31 one students in his class.  Of those 31 students 20 of them are bused in and are non-white.  Of those 31 students my son is friends with 2 of the 3 white girls in his class.   I would not care if all of his friends were the 20 bussed in non-white kids, but unfortunately they aren't.  When I asked him why he doesn't play with the other kids he simply said because. 
   I am saddened that my son, who had tons of friends at preschool all 4 years, has 2 now.  Now is the time of year that we start to register for Kindergarten and I am at the same point I was last year.  Are my kids better off at a school that has kids of the same socio-economic status and ethnicity as they do?  Do I leave them where they are, but in a couple of years when they are older I going to have to worry about these same kids beating up my kids?  It is a hard decision to make.  Made equally hard because I really love Cade's Kindergarten teacher and I really like both the principle and assistant principle.  I wish that they would stop busing in kids, but would that encourage more segregation when we should be teaching our kids to make friends with all and that everyone is created equal.

Stranger Danger

    I am a completely ruined mother after reading Patricia Cornwall and James Patterson.  I will never let my sons run around our street with out me being outside, like I did as a child, because either from media hype, fiction or paranoia I am afraid my child will be abducted, raped and possibly eaten.  The saddest part of all this?  There are some nice people out there that I will never trust or even say a kind word to because I'm afraid of strangers. 
   Today I had a friend post that she was in the parking lot of Sam's Club walking to her car with her cart and daughter when a man came up to her and said, "you  have a child, take care of her and I'll help you unload your cart."  He then did just that, unloaded her groceries into the back of her car and then put the cart away for her.  He didn't ask for money, he was just helping.  My first thought?  Creepy.  Is he memorizing her license plate number so he can go to her house and kill her?  Is he trying to see if she has anything worth stealing from Sam's Club?  Yep, I'm ruined for life by my cynicism.  I would NEVER let someone I don't know help me.  I want to say it's because of all the media hype over serial killers, pedophiles, etc..., but I think it could be where we live.
   I have heard from visiting people (International and National) that Californians are the rudest and lest helpful people they have ever met and I agree.  In my mind when a neighbor moves in next door you say hi, but in reality you ask all the neighbors what they've heard and secretly scope them out to see if they are going to be good or not.  You may wave, but more than likely you turn your back so you don't have to.  I HATE IT!  I want to live where I don't have to worry about my kids.  I want to live where people say hi and have a nice day and mean it.  The nicest stranger I know is the counter person at 7/11 who wishes me good luck when I buy a lotto ticket.   So why are Californians so cynical?  Are we afraid of the scary people we read of in books? Has the media made us this way or is it just our over inflated egos that make us believe we are better than everyone and we should ignore, not socialize and overall be rude? 
   Maybe instead of teaching our kids stranger danger so much we should teach our kids to pay it forward.  That a kind word will make someones day and actions speak louder than words.  Obviously strangers are still scary people and you can't trust everyone, but wouldn't the world be a little better if we tried to trust instead of convicting people of crimes we don't even know of because we're afraid and too good to be nice?

I'd like a do-over please.

   The hardest part of being a parent, whether of an animal or person, is there are no do-overs.  You can't take back things that have been heard, actions played or in our case children born.  As much as we try not to think it, there have been times recently when Chad and I have looked at each other and asked our selves why we had #4.  Don't get me wrong, I would die for Kolin and I love him soo much, but since his birth we have been more financially strapped then ever before.  It's a hard lesson to learn and it's even harder because you can't go back.  There's also the question if I would.  I can not imagine our family with out my stubborn little sumo wrestler stomping into my room while I'm getting ready with a batting helmet on and Chad's basketball shoes grabbing his diaper saying "poo poo".  He has the most personality of any of my children and of all of them I could see Kolin doing tv work because of it. 
   There are the good days and the bad and instead of focusing on all the bad things my kids do in a day, I've been trying to focus more on the awesome things they do as learning little people.  Kellen going through the utensil drawer today is a great example.  Normally that would annoy the hell out of me, and I'm not saying I wasn't a little annoyed, but him asking me what every single thing was and what it did reminded me that he is learning and you can't learn if you don't ask questions. 
   Another hard part of parenting is you can't give up.  When you're working on a really hard math problem and you say "I give up, you try", yeah that doesn't work with kids.  There have been many trying days lately and I so want to say I give up I'm leaving.  Of course you can't leave and you can't give up because this is your team and they are counting on you.  I've seen the parents that have given up.  They are the ones that think their kids are old enough to take care of themselves and let their kids do whatever they want.  I hope to never give up because ultimately you're giving up on your kids. 
  Do-overs and giving up aside being a parent is hard and as I tell friends with 1 or 2 kids it doesn't matter how many kids you have they are all hard and every hard situation is hard for everyone.

Minivan Mama

   I am prejudice.  I think moms who drive mini-vans are dorks.  Yes, I know, I drive one too, but it was a medical necessity and not a voluntary option.  When I got sick with Grave's Disease I literally did not have the energy or muscle mass to lift the boys into the Suburban.  Every time I exerted myself I would get light headed and almost pass out.  Good times.  Needless to say I researched mini-vans and we got the Toyota, otherwise known as the Swagger Wagon.  I can honestly say that I may not have bought the Toyota if I had known that they were going to re-name Santa Clarita Awesome town because it's just retarded to say I drive a Swagger Wagon in Awesome Town.  Just saying.
   Mini-van driving moms have no sex appeal.  You can't walk down the sidewalk and feel good about yourself and then get in a mini-van.  You can no longer roll down the windows and blast music because you are driving a mini-van.  If you go fast you are a crazy mom driving, not a cool chick testing your cars limits.  The worst is when Chad drives the mini-van.  I have always said that men should not drive mini-vans.  It takes their masculinity down at least 5 notches.  Chad thinks the mini-van is cool.  It's really nice inside and it's fully loaded.  Also, no one can beat the automatic doors, but it's still a mini-van.  I know it's all in my head, but I am a car girl.  If I won the lottery I'd have at least 7 different cars.  The first car to go would be the mini-van.  Sorry my mini-van driving moms, nothing against you and your love for your car I just personally hate it.   

Hungry, Again?!

   My second oldest, Cam, went on hunger strike when he turned 15 months old and has been on it until very recently.  Forever I have been worried about him not getting enough to eat because he would literally lick a piece of toast and say he was full.  Now I long for those days. 
   All my boys are basically good eaters, but Cam is eating enough for all 4 boys combined.  It doesn't matter how much he has at a given meal, 20 minutes later he is hungry.  It's starting to drive me crazy.  I don't have enough food in my house, EVER, to feed this one tiny little boy.  Yesterday he had french toast sticks, oj and a banana for breakfast at around 7:30, but by 8:30 he was starving.  A granola bar doesn't cut it either.  He wants a granola bar, an orange, cheese and crackers, chips and string cheese.  I try to only let him have half of that and then more at a normal snack time like 10, but it gets hard because by 10 he's starving again.  Lunch consisted of mac and cheese, a hot dog and an apple with a glass of milk; by 1 hungry again.  A little bag of chips and some cheese and crackers and trying to get him to have a drink.  His words back to me on that? "I said I was hungry, not thirsty!"  Sigh.  I know that if he had more fluids it would help a little, but how do you get that across to your child?  Dinner was a hamburger and veggies and a glass of milk and I'm not kidding but an hour later he was hungry again so he had another orange and a piece of cheese.  I try for at least healthy meals, but the meaning of boys eating you out of house and home is not an exaggeration and he's only 1 child.  Any tips on what to feed a forever hungry boy would be greatly appreciated. :)

Getting Any?

   Chad and I have long thought that sex is an important part of any relationship, but in the newest issue of Real Simple they talked about a couple who had lost interest in their sex life because they became "too tired", rushed, busy, etc because of life and children.  With four kids I get being too tired, but we make it happen. LOL
   Sex isn't just about feeling good, but it's the connection between you and your partner.  Sometimes when you're fighting it's the only connection you do have.  At other times it's the part of your relationship that keeps you young.  Sex is about the intimate glances, the cute underwear you show your husband you're going to wear when you're walking to the shower or the perfume you spray on and have your husband smell.  Of course I'm normal.  I do get tired, I do get headaches and I am not always in the 'mood', but Chad and I try to make time for us too, even if it's just a fun make out session. 
   I think being a mom has made me more in touch with my sexuality.  I have someone who thinks I'm beautiful cellulite, stretchmarks and all.  I want to be sexy because of him.  Being sexy isn't just looking good it's a state of mind.  Just because we're moms who says we can't wear sexy underwear, perfume and lipstick with our jeans and t-shirts?  So ladies, dress sexy under those mom clothes, feel good about your selves and have lots of fun sex with your husbands.  Guaranteed everyone will be happy in your house if you do and possibly a little more stress free.

Anyone else angry?

   Before I had kids I wasn't an angry person, but since, I have seen red more than more whole entire life before kids.  The question is why?  I know I'm not alone because kids have a way of making parents crazy, even the angel children and the weirdly calm parents.
   I've thought about it and I think there is a whole list of reasons why.  One such reason is that as we grow older we are used to not being questioned and when we tell someone to do something or suggest it people for the most part do it.  Not so much with kids, at least the younger ones (I have hope that as my boys grow older they will start actually listening to the words that come out of my mouth and not interpreting them their own way).  My oldest, Cade, was never a why kid, but when Cam came around and started talking every other word was/is why?  I swear that kid knows the rules of the road by heart because when we drive he asks all the traffic laws.  It can get very tiring, but what can you say? "the double is that way because I said, enough!"  Just when I thought the why kid was tough I got the worst kind, the selective hearing kid, Kellen. 
   Kellen is my son who never hears what you have to say and if by some chance he does hear you and it's not what he wants to hear, then he hears it differently.  AHHHHH!  This is the worst kid because you are CONSTANTLY repeating, screaming, time out-ing this kind.  Although Kolin hasn't quite reached the age to know what he's going to be like stubborn is already his middle name.  Back to the anger.
   No matter how much you say you aren't going to be a yeller when you are a parent it is an inevitable phenomenon.  There are and will be times when your child does not hear you whether by choice or not and screaming/yelling is the only way you can get through to them.  I used to feel guilty about yelling at my kids, but then I started listening to my other fellow moms and realized that I am not alone.  Thank goodness.  Along with the yelling is the frustration that toys are everywhere, your kids leave their stuff, ie: dishes, clothes, homework, backpacks, toys... EVERYWHERE.  It drives me crazy and I actually warn my boys that "mommy is on the edge and you better start making this place look like a house instead of a barn or I'm going to lose it!"  Eye twitching is also a good indicator. 
   When your feeling like the only crazy angry mom out there know that you are not alone.  It's hard to teach your children every day to be good people who are responsible, smart and clean.  Give your self a pat on the back that you're trying and know that every mom gets mad and the more kids you have just multiplies the anger some times. 

Disabilities

   I am profusely blessed with not having children with severe disabilities.  I have so many friends with children dealing with ADD/Autism and Asbergers (sp?) and I can only imagine the struggles that they face on a daily basis and in the future.  So far in my children's young lives Kellen has been the only child that has shown any issues and really is a speech issue that big of a deal? 
   My sweet loving Kellen can talk to you, but you may only understand a handful of his words.  Forever I could not understand what this meant, "mommy, the bay took a tay and it fell into the tayet".  Translation: the boy took a toy and it fell into the toilet.  Yep, that's my little love bug with is cute raspy voice talking gibberish.  It gets worse since he has a problems with the letters r, d, l, s and many more that I can't figure out, but next week hopefully the speech pathologist will hear. 
    The most frustrating thing about your child having any kind of difficulty is that it is a constant fight to get someone to see them to get them the services they need.  Chad is a special ed teacher and we have friends who are in the field, so I knew what it was going to take and I'm still frustrated.  From the first contact request, which can only be by snail mail letter, the school district has 60 days to get back to you.  I wrote my letter in November and will finally get Kellen assessed next Thursday.  We're hoping that Kellen can get into a program that will help him to pronounce better and even though he's only 3 1/2 his speech will be the deciding factor if he goes to Kindergarten when he's 5 or 6 (since he's a July baby).  Ah, don't you just love being a parent, isn't it grand.

sick kids and compassion

    Before I had kids I felt sad when I heard about a child being sick, because kids should always be healthy and happy, right?  After I had kids I felt sad still and maybe a little sick with worry because I now had kids and understood when a child was sick how worrisome it can be.  When Cade was 10 months old he got the flu and threw up non-stop for 24 hours.  He was so sick and dehydrated that he was admitted to the hospital and I spent a horrific night trying to make my baby comfortable while he was hooked up to IVs in a cold hospital crib.  It was horrible and still when I think of that event from 5 years ago I still feel the fear of being a helpless parent when your child is sick. 
    Yesterday my friend Jen's son Austen was admitted to the hospital.  He's been sick for weeks with first pneumonia and now RSV and has not gotten better.  Because I know Austen I want him to be well more than any commercial for St. Jude's kids (which make me cry every time and is the only charity I give regularly to).  I know that sick feeling in the pit of Jen's stomach that is helpless fear and I wish Austen would be better now and I could do something to make it better. 
   Jen's other son Caiden is Kellen's best friend.  Never before have I seen one of my sons bond with a child like Kellen and Caiden.  They are the cutest little boys and yesterday Caiden came to play with us for the day.  I am grateful that I was able to do something for Jen and lucky that ALL my boys took Caiden under their wings.  Yesterday Caiden was another brother for my boys and it showed in the hugs and fun they showed him.  I'm not sure if they know or understand that Caiden's brother is sick, but they knew that Caiden needed some fun friends to play with and made yesterday a great day for everyone.  As I left to take Caiden home to his grandparents house last night hugs and kisses and I love yous went around from the boys and I realized how blessed I am to have my boys.  Prayers for Austen who needs to get better soon, especially since my boys can't wait for him to grown up and play too.

New Year's sickness

   Today I had the misfortune of having a sick kid that needed to go to Urgent Care.  Of course since it's the 1st of the year there was only 1 Urgent Care open and 1 Pharmacy.  Now I could have gone to the E.R., but unless there is major bleeding or a broken bone, I'm not stepping foot there. 
   Always in the past if I had a sick kid on a Friday I took them into the doctor, because you never know what could happen.  This is the one time that I said, "it's just a cold" and let it go.  Stupid stupid stupid.  My poor Kol baby had a double ear infection.  Since Kolin can barely talk trying to get him to express what was wrong with him was next to impossible, though I have to give him credit because he did say he had ouchies. 
   As I walked into the Facey urgent care I was amazed that many people could fit into that waiting room.  There had to be at least 30 people in there and I almost turned around then.  Not being a fan of Facey I might have been more abrupt with the front desk people for trying to recruit me to join their practice.  No, I am here under duress only!  The people were very efficient for the amount of patients being seen and since Kolin was in a fever induced stupor it wasn't so bad.  3 1/2 hours later Kolin and I were home with antibiotics and he's feeling better already.  My only big complaint of the whole ordeal?  Why is there only 1 freaking urgent care and 1 freaking pharmacy open on New Years Day?  There are almost 200,000 people living in the Santa Clarita valley and 1 is not enough.  I guess this is another place my future lottery winnings will be spent.