When I reconnect with people from high school they are shocked that I am married and have 4 kids. Growing up I didn't want kids. Heck when I met Chad I didn't want to get married or have kids. What changed my mind? Chad has a large family (4 sisters, 4 brothers-in-law and 8 nieces and nephews) and I changed my mind because I saw how awesome it can be to be apart of something like that.
When Cade was born I knew I wanted another immediately. I could not wait to get pregnant again because I wanted my kids close. Almost 6 months to the day after he was born I was pregnant again. The week after I got pregnant Cade stopped sleeping through the night and in fact did not sleep through the night until he was 3 1/2. If I hadn't been pregnant already I can guarantee that he would have been an only child. Camden came along and once again I knew that I wanted another and soon and just like with Cade I was pregnant 6 months to the day from Cam's birth.
Let me back track by saying that I truly believe that every child is hard. There isn't a point in a child's life that you will not worry, be financially helping (even if it's just taking them out to dinner), giving advise or any number of other things. To say that I have it hard is ridiculous because children are hard, no matter how many you have. One child is hard because they are alone. They don't have a companion to play with and you don't have a comparison to say that it's easier. Two is hard because it's double the work, love and worry. Your kids play AND fight together (no matter their gender) which does make it easier, but you also have to pay more for fun. For me three was the most painful.
When Kellen came along I could have been done. He was a sweet baby, but having three kids and two hands really is hard. I had Cade the runner who would book it from one side of the mall to the other with me towing 2 kids behind trying to catch him. Trying to keep track of 3 kids is hard and we made a game of numbering them because we counted so many times at the park. Even now I count continually because it's the easiest way to keep track. With Kellen's birth too I had put myself out of the box. I was no longer the nuclear family of 4, but the big 5. People looked at us a little differently because we had one extra and there was/is a lot of judging. I became sick with Graves' disease after I had Kellen and couldn't get pregnant because the drugs I was on caused birth defects, so we had to wait for Kolin a little longer than we had with the other boys. Having Kolin was the hardest decision. I knew that I did not want to just have 3 kids because after all, who would be the one riding alone on the roller coaster? Chad and I talked about it and said if I didn't get pregnant in September then it wasn't meant to be and since I am fertile mertile it was no problem and along came Kolin.
For me Kolin hasn't made a lot of difference. Sure it's hard having 4 kids, and financially it's harder, but I was already out numbered so it's not been so bad. Chad on the other hand thinks 4 is super hard. The hardest part of having Kolin is the age difference. Kellen and Kolin are 23 months apart as apposed to the 15 month of the other boys. It feels like for every stage we go through we get a little lull and then it's like a slap in the face when the next stage starts. With the other boys it was continuous until we left a stage. Potty training for 1 year, but three totally potty trained, now we will be starting over with Kolin soon.
When people talk about having more than 2 I always say don't. A third child is HARD and I believe you need to be prepared for what you're getting into. You need to know all the facts and the fact is you can't give them back, so if there's any hesitation then don't do it. I have a good friend who is pregnant with her third that both Chad and I tried to talk out of but she was insistent that she wanted a third and once she got her point across I knew that she would be a great mom to 3 because she wanted it just like I wanted it. Now 4 that one is hard. I'm all about even numbers, but if you think you're done, then you're done. I knew I was done after Kolin and had no problem giving everything away.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Mommies should not get sick.
When you have little guys it is so hard to be sick. Since I am extremely anal retentive about my house and routine it has been a hard week. Tuesday night I realized I was feeling achy all over and when I took my temperature it was 100.4. Since I haven't had a fever in forever it was like being hit by a truck. I have a new and profound sympathy for my kids when they have fevers. After taking Tylenol and going to sleep early, only to have a very restless sleep I woke up feeling shaky and slightly hungover. Wednesday is sheets and towels day in our house and I was determined to get that done. I took kids to school, I tidied the house and I started loads of sheets and towels. Then it was pick up time. As the day wore on I started to feel worse. I just wanted to sleep or throw up and once again I had a fever, 101 this time.
When mom's are down for the count children are at their absolute worst. They know that you feel like shit, so they try to get away with everything. They wanted candy, I said yes just so they would leave me alone. I was physically in my house, but had pretty much checked out at about 1:30. To top off my sickness I wanted to clean because my friend was flying in on Thursday from St. Louis. When Chad finally got home I mustered up the guts to make the beds, practically passing out in the process and then was off to bed with a restless nights sleep AGAIN.
Thursday dawned and I still felt horrible, but there one thing that all woman have that men don't, FORTITUDE!!! I sucked it up and swept and mopped my house. I made sure the bathroom was clean and that my boys were forbidden to use it so it stayed clean. I rested in between, but I got stuff done. Luckily as the day went on I started to feel better and by the time Kathy did come I was well enough to go on the Moms Night Out that she had come for. I truly think that if I was a man I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed for 3 days, but being a mom I got it done because I had to. Unfortunately for my kids they had verbal wounds from a sick and tired mommy. I am not a nice mommy when I am sick and tired and there was more swearing in our house than normal, but they know I love them and they'll get over it, eventually.
When mom's are down for the count children are at their absolute worst. They know that you feel like shit, so they try to get away with everything. They wanted candy, I said yes just so they would leave me alone. I was physically in my house, but had pretty much checked out at about 1:30. To top off my sickness I wanted to clean because my friend was flying in on Thursday from St. Louis. When Chad finally got home I mustered up the guts to make the beds, practically passing out in the process and then was off to bed with a restless nights sleep AGAIN.
Thursday dawned and I still felt horrible, but there one thing that all woman have that men don't, FORTITUDE!!! I sucked it up and swept and mopped my house. I made sure the bathroom was clean and that my boys were forbidden to use it so it stayed clean. I rested in between, but I got stuff done. Luckily as the day went on I started to feel better and by the time Kathy did come I was well enough to go on the Moms Night Out that she had come for. I truly think that if I was a man I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed for 3 days, but being a mom I got it done because I had to. Unfortunately for my kids they had verbal wounds from a sick and tired mommy. I am not a nice mommy when I am sick and tired and there was more swearing in our house than normal, but they know I love them and they'll get over it, eventually.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Health and Exercise
When I was in high school I had a eating disorder. I was totally anorexic because no matter how much weight I lost my mom would always say I wasn't skinny I was slim. Slim was not what I wanted to hear and it wasn't until I had met Chad that I really started liking myself. The ironic part is that I'm about 10 pounds more than I was in high school now and if I hadn't been so concerned with my weight I would probably have been this weight then.
It's probably a good thing I don't have girls because even though I like what I look like now and don't think myself fat, with the exception of a bloated pre-period day, I would probably pass my early teenage insecurities to my girls. As soon as my kids were old enough to eat solid foods I started explaining what that food could do for your body, for example; carrots are good for your eyes, especially your night vision so you can see like a cat. Pancakes have lots of carbs to give your body the energy it needs to run super fast at school. Now I know that is totally a yuppie thing to do, but I needed to help them to understand that their bodies need food and that making good decisions on what they eat will help them to live a long and healthy life. Of course there is always a flip side to explaining what foods do for your body like when my kids started asking what candy/cakes/cookies did for them my response has been negative. They are bad for your body, your teeth and they make you fat. We all know that I'm right, but probably it wasn't the right way to explain it. My poor husband can't have a soda with out my kids telling him he's fat because he drinks it.
As my kids grow older we have started telling them the importance of exercise and how just playing outside is a great form of exercise, but neither Chad or I exercise. Kind of hypocritical right? Part of our New Year's resolution is to eat at home more, eat healthier and exercise. So far two of the three are going well, but exercise is the hardest to conquer because I have no inclination to exercise. I am super lucky to have an awesome metabolism and I think that's part of my problem. I don't have to work to get skinny and because of this I am teaching my children the wrong lessons. Now that Chad is done with basketball we are going to be making a conscious effort to eat better and exercise with our kids so that as a family we stay healthy. Hopefully knowing what the foods that go into their bodies and exercising together will help my kids to have a better body image than I did growing up and stay healthy when they are out of our house eating on their own.
It's probably a good thing I don't have girls because even though I like what I look like now and don't think myself fat, with the exception of a bloated pre-period day, I would probably pass my early teenage insecurities to my girls. As soon as my kids were old enough to eat solid foods I started explaining what that food could do for your body, for example; carrots are good for your eyes, especially your night vision so you can see like a cat. Pancakes have lots of carbs to give your body the energy it needs to run super fast at school. Now I know that is totally a yuppie thing to do, but I needed to help them to understand that their bodies need food and that making good decisions on what they eat will help them to live a long and healthy life. Of course there is always a flip side to explaining what foods do for your body like when my kids started asking what candy/cakes/cookies did for them my response has been negative. They are bad for your body, your teeth and they make you fat. We all know that I'm right, but probably it wasn't the right way to explain it. My poor husband can't have a soda with out my kids telling him he's fat because he drinks it.
As my kids grow older we have started telling them the importance of exercise and how just playing outside is a great form of exercise, but neither Chad or I exercise. Kind of hypocritical right? Part of our New Year's resolution is to eat at home more, eat healthier and exercise. So far two of the three are going well, but exercise is the hardest to conquer because I have no inclination to exercise. I am super lucky to have an awesome metabolism and I think that's part of my problem. I don't have to work to get skinny and because of this I am teaching my children the wrong lessons. Now that Chad is done with basketball we are going to be making a conscious effort to eat better and exercise with our kids so that as a family we stay healthy. Hopefully knowing what the foods that go into their bodies and exercising together will help my kids to have a better body image than I did growing up and stay healthy when they are out of our house eating on their own.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Basketball Wife
There is a famous quote by UCLA coach John Wooden about being married to basketball and his wife being his mistress. I refuse to be like John Wooden's wife. This basketball season has been one of the hardest and I will readily admit that I say that each basketball season because each basketball season it does get harder. Last season I was DONE!!!! Chad and I discussed his being done coaching, but after the season was done he really wanted to do one more year. Now as we come to the close of that one more year another year looms.
Basketball is a year round program like all organized sports now a days. It is 345 days of practice, games, strategies, worrying and exhilaration. For 20 days a year I get my husband to focus on us and it is great. For 3 months of the year, end of November to end of February, it is a jam packed schedule of non-stop basketball broken up by Christmas Day and New Year's Day. My husband is gone 6 days a week from 7am to 7pm on a good day. There are a few days here and there when he is home early, but basketball is at the forefront of his mind. I'm explaining this for all the people who tell him that he needs to be a coach.
If I was working maybe Chad's basketball schedule wouldn't have been so bad this year, but I'm not working, so it's neither here nor there. Chad's been a coach for 11 years and it's always been hard, but having 4 little boys ask me if daddy's coming home and me having to be both mommy and daddy is hard. I miss my partner, I miss having Chad experience all the good and the bad things that go on with having boys and I especially miss my companion. Trying to impart all that happened the day before in the bathroom in the morning is not an easy task, especially with little boys running around.
Chad has told me time and time again that basketball is his dream. I get the dream and I want him to have the dream, but sometimes it feels like dreams can be put on hold for a later time and be made better with maturity. Now is not the time for either of our dreams, it's the time to raise our boys to have dreams of their own. And as John Wooden has also said, "
Basketball is a year round program like all organized sports now a days. It is 345 days of practice, games, strategies, worrying and exhilaration. For 20 days a year I get my husband to focus on us and it is great. For 3 months of the year, end of November to end of February, it is a jam packed schedule of non-stop basketball broken up by Christmas Day and New Year's Day. My husband is gone 6 days a week from 7am to 7pm on a good day. There are a few days here and there when he is home early, but basketball is at the forefront of his mind. I'm explaining this for all the people who tell him that he needs to be a coach.
If I was working maybe Chad's basketball schedule wouldn't have been so bad this year, but I'm not working, so it's neither here nor there. Chad's been a coach for 11 years and it's always been hard, but having 4 little boys ask me if daddy's coming home and me having to be both mommy and daddy is hard. I miss my partner, I miss having Chad experience all the good and the bad things that go on with having boys and I especially miss my companion. Trying to impart all that happened the day before in the bathroom in the morning is not an easy task, especially with little boys running around.
Chad has told me time and time again that basketball is his dream. I get the dream and I want him to have the dream, but sometimes it feels like dreams can be put on hold for a later time and be made better with maturity. Now is not the time for either of our dreams, it's the time to raise our boys to have dreams of their own. And as John Wooden has also said, "
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Facebook Phenomenon
It amazes me that there is an entity that has made the world a different place in such a short amount of time. The Internet as a whole has done so much for the world in being able to get causes, atrocities and great things known to all, but nothing has come close to what Facebook has done.
In my small world Facebook has let me become better friends with ladies I have met through preschool. It is a wonderful thing to be able to 'talk' to your friends with out having your conversations interrupted every minute. I can check my status and those of my friends and see if anyone needs help, whose birthday it is and even get personal messages about t-ball. I can join groups that other people across the world are a part of and maybe even make friends with those people. Of course there is also the awesomeness of finding old friends. Especially the ones that you weren't necessarily friends with in high school, but have now formed a bond because you see what they are doing in their every day lives and you can relate. Then there is the other part of Facebook.
The other Facebook is the one that recently started a protest in Egypt to stop the absolute power that is going on there. It was the simple ability of those there to 'Post' and 'Like' the beginning of the fall of a country's power. Facebook has become an awe inspiring phenomenon that literally touches the lives of millions of people in hundreds of countries. I'll bet Mark Zuckerberg (sp?) didn't plan on this when he started it.
In my small world Facebook has let me become better friends with ladies I have met through preschool. It is a wonderful thing to be able to 'talk' to your friends with out having your conversations interrupted every minute. I can check my status and those of my friends and see if anyone needs help, whose birthday it is and even get personal messages about t-ball. I can join groups that other people across the world are a part of and maybe even make friends with those people. Of course there is also the awesomeness of finding old friends. Especially the ones that you weren't necessarily friends with in high school, but have now formed a bond because you see what they are doing in their every day lives and you can relate. Then there is the other part of Facebook.
The other Facebook is the one that recently started a protest in Egypt to stop the absolute power that is going on there. It was the simple ability of those there to 'Post' and 'Like' the beginning of the fall of a country's power. Facebook has become an awe inspiring phenomenon that literally touches the lives of millions of people in hundreds of countries. I'll bet Mark Zuckerberg (sp?) didn't plan on this when he started it.
Monday, January 31, 2011
School Dilema
As a parent I try not to be prejudice and to teach my children not to be prejudice, but lately I am noticing that Cade has segregated himself in his own classroom. For some background...last year at this time I struggled for months on if I was going to have Cade go to Peachland because they bus most of the student population in from off of Newhall Avenue. At the time my main worry was that Cade would be in a slower class because they teach to the class and if the class was not up to the academic level everyone would be going slower until they were. Now it's not so much of a problem in Kindergarten, but as new students come in and the higher grade level it could be. I had heard a few parents tell me that friends had pulled their kids out of Peachland's upper levels (5th and 6th grade) because of trouble at school with being picked on, but that was not as much of a concern for me. After talking to many and deciding that not only is Newhall School Districts API scores the best in the valley, but because of the many lower income students Peachland is a title one school thus affording them more money for newer technology (like smart boards) and the plain fact that being exposed to different cultures would be good for my boys we decided to leave Cade in Peachland.
As the year began I thought I had made the right choice. He has 2 hours with his teacher and 14 other students in the morning and then the late bird students come in for the last 1 and 1/2 hours of school with a class total at that time of 31. His teacher is highly educated and even went to Mexico a couple of years ago so she could learn the language. She has 2 Master degrees and has a special ed son, so she has the perfect personality and know how on how to deal with any kind of student she gets. He loves his class and his teacher and even though I didn't see a lot of advancement towards reading my weekly volunteering visits have been both fun and informative for me. My only concern since school started has been friends. Cade has 31 one students in his class. Of those 31 students 20 of them are bused in and are non-white. Of those 31 students my son is friends with 2 of the 3 white girls in his class. I would not care if all of his friends were the 20 bussed in non-white kids, but unfortunately they aren't. When I asked him why he doesn't play with the other kids he simply said because.
I am saddened that my son, who had tons of friends at preschool all 4 years, has 2 now. Now is the time of year that we start to register for Kindergarten and I am at the same point I was last year. Are my kids better off at a school that has kids of the same socio-economic status and ethnicity as they do? Do I leave them where they are, but in a couple of years when they are older I going to have to worry about these same kids beating up my kids? It is a hard decision to make. Made equally hard because I really love Cade's Kindergarten teacher and I really like both the principle and assistant principle. I wish that they would stop busing in kids, but would that encourage more segregation when we should be teaching our kids to make friends with all and that everyone is created equal.
As the year began I thought I had made the right choice. He has 2 hours with his teacher and 14 other students in the morning and then the late bird students come in for the last 1 and 1/2 hours of school with a class total at that time of 31. His teacher is highly educated and even went to Mexico a couple of years ago so she could learn the language. She has 2 Master degrees and has a special ed son, so she has the perfect personality and know how on how to deal with any kind of student she gets. He loves his class and his teacher and even though I didn't see a lot of advancement towards reading my weekly volunteering visits have been both fun and informative for me. My only concern since school started has been friends. Cade has 31 one students in his class. Of those 31 students 20 of them are bused in and are non-white. Of those 31 students my son is friends with 2 of the 3 white girls in his class. I would not care if all of his friends were the 20 bussed in non-white kids, but unfortunately they aren't. When I asked him why he doesn't play with the other kids he simply said because.
I am saddened that my son, who had tons of friends at preschool all 4 years, has 2 now. Now is the time of year that we start to register for Kindergarten and I am at the same point I was last year. Are my kids better off at a school that has kids of the same socio-economic status and ethnicity as they do? Do I leave them where they are, but in a couple of years when they are older I going to have to worry about these same kids beating up my kids? It is a hard decision to make. Made equally hard because I really love Cade's Kindergarten teacher and I really like both the principle and assistant principle. I wish that they would stop busing in kids, but would that encourage more segregation when we should be teaching our kids to make friends with all and that everyone is created equal.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Stranger Danger
I am a completely ruined mother after reading Patricia Cornwall and James Patterson. I will never let my sons run around our street with out me being outside, like I did as a child, because either from media hype, fiction or paranoia I am afraid my child will be abducted, raped and possibly eaten. The saddest part of all this? There are some nice people out there that I will never trust or even say a kind word to because I'm afraid of strangers.
Today I had a friend post that she was in the parking lot of Sam's Club walking to her car with her cart and daughter when a man came up to her and said, "you have a child, take care of her and I'll help you unload your cart." He then did just that, unloaded her groceries into the back of her car and then put the cart away for her. He didn't ask for money, he was just helping. My first thought? Creepy. Is he memorizing her license plate number so he can go to her house and kill her? Is he trying to see if she has anything worth stealing from Sam's Club? Yep, I'm ruined for life by my cynicism. I would NEVER let someone I don't know help me. I want to say it's because of all the media hype over serial killers, pedophiles, etc..., but I think it could be where we live.
I have heard from visiting people (International and National) that Californians are the rudest and lest helpful people they have ever met and I agree. In my mind when a neighbor moves in next door you say hi, but in reality you ask all the neighbors what they've heard and secretly scope them out to see if they are going to be good or not. You may wave, but more than likely you turn your back so you don't have to. I HATE IT! I want to live where I don't have to worry about my kids. I want to live where people say hi and have a nice day and mean it. The nicest stranger I know is the counter person at 7/11 who wishes me good luck when I buy a lotto ticket. So why are Californians so cynical? Are we afraid of the scary people we read of in books? Has the media made us this way or is it just our over inflated egos that make us believe we are better than everyone and we should ignore, not socialize and overall be rude?
Maybe instead of teaching our kids stranger danger so much we should teach our kids to pay it forward. That a kind word will make someones day and actions speak louder than words. Obviously strangers are still scary people and you can't trust everyone, but wouldn't the world be a little better if we tried to trust instead of convicting people of crimes we don't even know of because we're afraid and too good to be nice?
Today I had a friend post that she was in the parking lot of Sam's Club walking to her car with her cart and daughter when a man came up to her and said, "you have a child, take care of her and I'll help you unload your cart." He then did just that, unloaded her groceries into the back of her car and then put the cart away for her. He didn't ask for money, he was just helping. My first thought? Creepy. Is he memorizing her license plate number so he can go to her house and kill her? Is he trying to see if she has anything worth stealing from Sam's Club? Yep, I'm ruined for life by my cynicism. I would NEVER let someone I don't know help me. I want to say it's because of all the media hype over serial killers, pedophiles, etc..., but I think it could be where we live.
I have heard from visiting people (International and National) that Californians are the rudest and lest helpful people they have ever met and I agree. In my mind when a neighbor moves in next door you say hi, but in reality you ask all the neighbors what they've heard and secretly scope them out to see if they are going to be good or not. You may wave, but more than likely you turn your back so you don't have to. I HATE IT! I want to live where I don't have to worry about my kids. I want to live where people say hi and have a nice day and mean it. The nicest stranger I know is the counter person at 7/11 who wishes me good luck when I buy a lotto ticket. So why are Californians so cynical? Are we afraid of the scary people we read of in books? Has the media made us this way or is it just our over inflated egos that make us believe we are better than everyone and we should ignore, not socialize and overall be rude?
Maybe instead of teaching our kids stranger danger so much we should teach our kids to pay it forward. That a kind word will make someones day and actions speak louder than words. Obviously strangers are still scary people and you can't trust everyone, but wouldn't the world be a little better if we tried to trust instead of convicting people of crimes we don't even know of because we're afraid and too good to be nice?
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